The Wedding
by picric drea
Summary: A lil' plot bunny that invaded my cerebrum. AddekAddisonOC.
1. Memories and Dreams

I just finished my last test of second year and I'm feeling great. So I'm celebrating with a fic. Enjoy and review!

Disclaimer: Characters in this story are the intellectual property on Shonda Rimes and David Crane. I own nothing. I'm just a poor med student.

_Okay, this is it. This is the day that you've been waiting for. You are finally going to make her yours forever. Nothing can go wrong; this day will be perfect._ Derek nodded at his reflection in the mirror. _Alright, now smile. Ech, that looks more like a grimace. Don't look so McDreamy right now do you?_ Derek shook his head to clear his thoughts as a knock rang out through the room. "Come in."

"So how is the groom holding up?" inquired Burke, who looked quite dashing in his tuxedo. _Remember smile, this is a good day. _"Great," Derek replied. He shrugged, "Just ready to get this show on the road." Burke tilted his head thoughtfully, "You know I would classify that as more of a grimace than a smile. _Dammit._ He cocked his eyebrow, "You alright, Shepherd?" Derek forced a smile, "Of course," he said as he clapped Burke on the back, "now let's get out there before my bride decides to run."

The two surgeons walked out and took their place at the altar. They had decided to have the wedding outside on Derek's property. With the rare Seattle sunshine reflecting on the lake, it was a beautiful day for a wedding. All seats were filled to capacity, because everyone wanted to see the nuptials of Seattle Grace's "dream" couple. Those who were unable to get the day off had been grumbling for the past two weeks, but were somewhat pacified when Debbie promised to describe the event in excruciating detail. _My life is a soap opera_, Derek mused to himself, but he was shaken back to reality as he heard the first few chords of the wedding march.

There was his bride, with her face hidden behind the lace of a traditional veil. As she walked towards him, he kept expecting the knot in his stomach to loosen, but instead it seemed to tighten. The ceremony was simple, and soon he was being told to kiss his bride. When he lifted the veil and finally looked into her eyes, he found the peace he had been searching for all day. His grin was uncontrollable as he took in his bride's appearance; blue crashed against blue as they lost themselves in each other's eyes, and the sunlight brought out the highlights in her gorgeous red mane…_Wait…RED?!!! _

Derek shot up in bed and his eyes anxiously searched the room, before they settled on the blond snoring loudly next to him. He took deep breaths as he waited for his pulse to return to its normal resting rate. He thought back to the dream he had just awakened from and sighed. It was not the first dream he had had like that; in fact he had experienced the same dream almost every night since he had proposed. The only nights he didn't were those when he was too tired to dream. Oh, there were slight variations here and there (sometimes Mark was the best man) but the end result was always the same: he lifted the veil and saw Red.

Derek lay back against the pillows and allowed his mind to drift back to his first wedding. The moment she came into his sight he forgot how to breathe. She was a goddess in a strapless corseted vision of Vera Wang. Her crimson curls were pinned up, with a few allowed to cascade down her back. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and she moved so gracefully that she seemed to float towards him. He smiled at the memory, but his trip into the past came to an abrupt halt at the most unladylike snort from his bed companion.

You are cordially invited to the wedding nuptials of

Meredith Elizabeth Grey

and

Derek Matthew Shepherd

which will take place June 9, 2009 at 2 pm.

Will you attend? Yes / No

Addison stared at the invitation for what was probably the thousandth time. She had been quite surprised to receive it in the first place. While she knew all about the impending marriage (she still kept in touch with Callie and Miranda), she never expected to be invited to the ceremony. So now she was faced with an unexpected dilemma: Could she watch Derek marry another woman?

"Dr. Montgomery to the E.R. Dr. Montgomery to the E.R."

_Saved by the page._ Addison gathered her things and headed down to the E.R. to put the decision off for a few more hours. She managed to forget all about the invitation, until she went to meet her friends for a girls-night out. They were seated next to a bachelorette party that was in full swing. "So, Addie, did you RSVP to the wedding, yet?" Robin asked after they all had a drink in front of them. "No, and I don't know if I'm going to." "Why not? There's no better way to put an ex behind you than to watch him marry someone else." Addison smirked and changed the subject.

Later that night, Addison sat at her desk in her office, once again staring down the invitation. Her glance ticked to the envelope the invitation arrived in; it was addressed in Derek's characteristic chicken scratch. She thought back to when they were addressing invitations for their wedding. She hadn't allowed Derek to address any of the invitations, teasing him that no postal worker would be able to read his writing. "So what am I supposed to do?" he had asked. "You'll be responsible for licking." she replied. At his raised eyebrow, "The envelopes! You're responsible for licking the envelopes." "No," he said as his eyes darkened and he moved towards her, "I can think of something else I'm responsible for licking." "Derek, no. No, Derek, we have to get the invitations out." she said as he leaned her back against the couch covering her body with his. He kissed her breathless, then moved to her neck, and began to unbutton her blouse as he moved down her body. "What about the invitations?" she murmured. "Fuck the invitations."

She sighed as she looked back at the invitation and picked up her pen.

She circled no.


	2. Should I or Shouldn't I?

I really appreciate the reviews that I've received, so thank you rachelv21, bornonthursday, nyahgrace2002, addictedtowriting, and AngelEyes2332 (I hope this chapter helps with the confusion). Anyhoo, here's the chapter.

A/N: Once again I own nothing.

Over the next few weeks, Addison tried to keep busy and think about anything besides the upcoming wedding. The problem was the more she tried to avoid that wedding the more she thought about her own. Feelings she thought she had finally burned and buried rose again like a phoenix from the ashes.

_Oh, like a phoenix from the ashes?! Get a grip, Addie_. With a sigh, she picked up her coffee cup and moved to look out her floor-to-ceiling windows at her magnificent view of the Pacific. Normally, she found the blue peaceful, today however it just made her think of a certain pair of mesmerizing eyes. Disgusted, she turned from the window and flopped down on her couch. _This is pathetic; you're acting like you just got divorced. It's been two years, Addie. Shake it off, you've both moved on, so let it go. _

And she had in fact moved on. She had a fabulous position at LA's prestigious Methodist Hospital, with a top-rated nursing staff and interns and residents who did not look at her with hate/pity/disdain nor did they call her Satan behind her back. Her neo-natal unit was ranked number one in the country, and if the hospital gossip was to be believed she would be chief within a year.

Her personal life was back on track as well. She had a great group of caring supportive friends and was even dating again. It had taken a few tries (after all it had been nearly 15 years since she last really dated), but she was back in the relationship game. Let's see there was Steve, the bartender; Smith, the model/actor; Eddie, the cop; Adam, the restaurateur; followed by the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker (who turned out to be gay). Then she met Jake.

Jake was the epitome of the phrase tall, dark, and handsome. He stood 6'4", a well-toned and muscular 210 lbs, with dark curly hair and green eyes. He was a corporate lawyer at a prominent firm, with homes in LA, Manhattan, Chicago, and Dallas. They had been dating the last six months, and everything was perfect. He was attentive and generous to a fault; he even made her soup when she came down with the flu. He was the ideal boyfriend, and Addison couldn't find a single flaw in the relationship. Well, actually there was one tiny problem:

She was bored out of her skull.

There was no spark, no fire, no za-za-zoo, no…..umph.

He was perfect on paper and treated her like a queen, but their relationship lacked the passion of her former liaisons. Even their fights were lackluster. _God, I used to love fighting with Derek. Especially the making up afterwards._ Addison pushed off the couch and walked over to her bookcase. She reached up and pulled down a rather large white binder, and returned to the couch. She ran her hands over the gold embossed lettering:

Derek and Addison

Forever and Always

July 18, 1994

Addison began flipping through the pages though she still remembered the day (and night, for that matter) in perfect detail. That had been the absolute happiest day of her life; she smiled so much her face went numb, but she couldn't have cared less. She turned to a photo of the two of them kissing over their wedding cake. Addison easily recalled how his eyes had narrowed when she lightly sucked his finger as they fed each other the sweet dessert. Those baby blues had then widened considerably when she smashed her piece in his face. Her eyes began to burn as she continued to turn the pages, and the burn intensified when she stopped on a picture of Derek and Mark. Each had an arm around the other's shoulders and the two were grinning into the camera for all they were worth. She quickly flipped the page only to pause at the next picture. This photo was similar to the last only this time Addison stood between the two handsome men. But it was the last picture that caused the dam to break. It depicted the two of them in their first dance as husband and wife; Derek's hand on her back held her close to him and his love for her shone brightly in his eyes. Tracks of moisture made their way down her cheeks as she stroked the image. She nearly jumped a mile into the air when the ringing of the phone pierced the silence. She picked it up without bothering to check the id.

"Hello?"

"Addie, sweetie, how are you?"

"Hi, Mom. I'm fine_." Is it weird that I still talk with my mother-in-law? I mean, ex-mother-in-law? Probably. But I couldn't have survived the past two years without her._ "How are you?"

"You don't sound fine, have you been crying?"

_Dammit._ "Um, no. Well, yes, I uh, I just finished watching Casablanca. You know how that film always gets me." _Oh yeah, Addie, real smooth._

"Addison." _How can she inflect so much emotion on one word?_ "It's okay to feel sad. You two were married for nearly twelve years and together for even longer. Those feelings don't just disappear…He told me that you weren't coming."

Addison sighed. "I just…I can't."

"I understand, sweetie, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. We all just want you happy. Speaking of which, how's that young man of yours? Jake, right?"

Addison laughed. "Jake is fine."

"Well, I'm going to have to meet him soon. I need to see if he's good enough for you. Maybe I'll stop over in LA after the wedding."

"I'd like that; it would be good to see you."

The two women talked at little more and finalized their plans before saying goodbye and disconnecting. Addison sighed and leaned back on the couch. Her eyes drifted around the room before again landing on the wedding album. "No." She got up and replaced the album on the bookshelf, then picked up the phone. "Hey, it's me. Wanna go out to dinner?"

"So what's with the impromptu dinner, which by the way you're paying for?" Robin asked as they were seated at their favorite Chinese restaurant. Addison laughed, "Can't a girl invite a friend out for dinner without getting the third degree?" "Not when she invites this friend." was the reply. "Besides, you look like hell. What happened?" Addison averts her eyes, "Nothing." "Addison, obviously, something's wrong so what…Oh my God, you were looking at that damn album again weren't you?" Addison, again not making eye contact, replied, "No." "Oh, you are lying. I know you're lying. You know how I know? 'Cause you're a bad liar! I swear I'm gonna burn that book. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" "I don't know," Addison sighed, "I just…" "You just like punishing yourself apparently. Addie, you made mistakes and so did he, but that's in the past. You two were great together, but it's over. That's why I think you should go to the wedding. It won't be real to you until you see it with your own eyes. I think that's what you need to really let go." "Well, it's too late, now. I already RSVP'd no. "So? Go anyway." "What? I can't crash their wedding!" "Sure you can. And anyways you were invited, right? So technically you're not crashing. And really it's not like you're sticking around for the reception or anything. You are just there to see the ceremony, and then leave." "Maybe…but I don't want to have deal with all those questions that will inevitably come with me showing up to Derek's wedding." "So, go in disguise." Addison raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "What? I'm not telling you to go in a Halloween mask, just incognito." "So what exactly do you suggest I wear?" "Leave it to me," Robin said as the waiter arrived to take their order, "I'll think of the perfect ensemble."

Addison finished adjusting her hat in the mirror. "Perfect," she said to her reflection. Every single one of her red locks was hidden beneath the hat. With the addition of her oversized dark shades, she was absolutely beautiful…and unrecognizable. It may have been two years but she still remembered the infamous Seattle Grace gossip mill very well. She was just thankful that the wedding was taking place outside so it would not be necessary to remove her sunglasses. With one last look in the mirror she smiled, "Here goes."

As Addison stepped out of her car, she smoothed an imaginary wrinkle from her form-fitting dark blue dress that flared at the waist and showed off her legs to perfection. As she glanced around she was glad to see that she was not the only one in a hat and sunglasses. "I can't believe I'm crashing a wedding," she murmured to herself as she followed the guests down to the lake. _No, not crashing. You were invited, remember?_

"Bride or groom, ma'am?" asked the handsome usher. "Umm, groom." Addison stammered. "Of course, right this way." The usher began to lead the way toward the front of the groom's side where Addison spied Derek's mother and sisters. "Um, actually I think that I would prefer a seat in the back. I wouldn't want my hat to block anyone's view of the ceremony." "I don't think anyone could look at you and not enjoy the view," he said with a wink as he seated her. Addison blushed and thanked him, as he moved off to assist the next guest. Addison looked about her; she had gotten a seat on the end, so she could make a quick getaway if need be. Although given the fact that the area was quite open, she didn't know how she could do so without seeming too obvious…

"And how do you know the groom?" Addison was startled out of her escape plans by the voice beside her. She turned toward the woman as she tried to figure out how to answer that loaded question. "Derek and I are old friends," she replied. "And you?" she inquired politely. "Oh, I'm a nurse at the hospital. I took a sick day just to be here; I had to see McDreamy get married for myself." Addison smiled and turned toward the aisle as she heard the beginning of the processional. As she caught her first glimpse of Derek in two years, she prayed her heart wouldn't beat out of her chest. There were a few more silver flecks at his temples, but he was still just as…well, "dreamy" as ever. An involuntary sigh escaped her lips. "I know," said the nurse, "I feel the same way."

_Alright Derek, nice big smile, this is a happy occasion._ Derek walked smoothly up the aisle and took his place at the altar. Burke nodded at him as he took his place beside him. Next in line were the bridesmaids, Izzie, and the matron of honor, Cristina. Meredith had decided against having a flower girl. _Addison had insisted that my nieces be a part of the wedding. Oh, pay attention; I think Burke just said something._ "This is it, you ready?" Derek plastered his McDreamy smile in place. "Of course."

As the first chords of the wedding march played, the congregation rose. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a woman in a blue dress, not a light blue, indigo; but before he could get a good look at her face (she was wearing sunglasses), Meredith appeared. _Hmm, she looks…cute._ She wore a simple off-white (because really who were they kidding) halter dress and carried a bouquet of daises. She wore her hair down with the ends lightly curled…or at least they were supposed to be, anyway. _Her hair always looks kind of flat_.

He smiled at her as he stepped down to receive her. They turned as one to listen to the priest as he invoked the usual introduction. It was then time for the vows; they had chosen to use the traditional text in lieu of writing their own.

"Repeat after me, "I, Derek…"

"I, Derek…"

"Take thee Meredith…"

"Take thee Addison…"

_Oh, shit._


	3. What do I do now?

Wow, I really appreciate the response to this, it encourages me to keep writing. I'd like to specifically thank goldentail, snowy84, AngelEyes2332, basketballsuzie, ficklewriter, addictedtowriting, Addicted1, and Dr. Hooker for reviewing. I hope this meets with your approval. ;-)

Disclaimer: I have no claim to Grey's Anatomy. Warning: There is a tad more foul language in this one, so don't read if you're easily offended.

Addison sat fidgeting in her seat throughout the ceremony. _Okay, you just have to get through the vows and then it will be over._ She took a deep breath as the priest instructed Derek to repeat after him, and bowed her head slightly. Her pulse was racing. _I can't watch this. I just need to hear him say it._

"Repeat after me, "I, Derek…"

"I, Derek…"

"Take thee Meredith…"

"Take thee Addison…"

Addison's head snapped up so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. _WHAT?!! No, I didn't hear that. I'm…I'm hallucinating, right, that's it. You're just…you're just imagining what you want to hear._ "Who's Addison?" the nurse whispers to the woman on the other side of her. _Did you imagine that too?_ "His hot red-headed ex-wife." the woman whispered back. "McDreamy's married?" the nurse gasped. Addie rolled her eyes, _She must be really new._ "He was, until she slept with his best friend." "She slept with Burke?!" "No, not Burke, Mar-…you know what I'll tell you later, I'm trying to figure out what's going on."

Everyone who stood at the altar had frozen. They didn't even seem to be breathing. Derek was still holding Meredith's hand and as he looked into her eyes he watched her soft smile slide slowly from her face. Meredith stared back at him, her face now devoid of any emotion. "seriously?" she softly whispered, her voice barely audible despite the absolute silence that had descended over them. "Seriously?" a bit louder this time. Her thin frame began to shake with emotion, "SERIOUSLY??!!!!", she exploded. She began to beat him about the head and shoulders with her bouquet. "You son-of-a…Mutha-fu… argh!" she screamed. When she had decimated the daises, she continued hitting him with her fists, her tiny ineffectual fists. "I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask for a wedding or even a proposal!" she yelled through her tears. "Fuck you, Derek Shepherd. Fuck you and your McDreamy smile. You and your precious Satan can both go to hell!!!!!!! And with one last well-placed knee, Meredith turned and fled, Cristina and Izzie hot on her heels. The congregation tracked her departure before turning their attention back to the altar, where Derek had dropped to his knees from the pain of that last blow.

Addison sat stunned in her chair as a low buzz began to grow from the spectators. She reached over and pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Now she was stunned and bruised. The pain in her chest reminded her to breathe; which she did, in great big gasps. _It's fine Addie. You're fine. No one knows that you're here. All you need to do is make a hasty exit and you'll be fine. But, if you get up now you'll draw attention to yourself. Damn it, I'm going to kill Robin. Why did I listen to her? Not the time Addie, now focus: How are you going to get out of here?_ Some movement at the front captured Addison's attention. Gwendolyn, Derek's mother, now stood at the altar addressing the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would first like to thank you all for coming. We are very pleased to have you all here. Unfortunately, it seems there will not be a wedding taking place today. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, and encourage you to go and enjoy the reception we have provided. Once again we offer our apologies and thank you all for coming." Gwen then turned to attend to her son. _That is so Mom, gracious under the most unusual circumstances. And she managed to provide me a graceful exit. Thanks, Mom._ Addison was among the first to stand to leave the area. She sighed in relief that she was able to get through this without any awkward confrontations. Of course, that feeling of relief was premature since as she was walking away, a strong breeze came off the lake, picked up her hat and carried it away. Addison stopped, closed her eyes, and bowed her head. _Someone up there hates me. You know what, just keep walking. I'm sure no one's paying attention. _"Aunt Addieeeee!!!"

Derek was in so much pain he was seeing stars. _All you had to do was say the right name. How hard is it to say the right name? You were looking right at her for fuck's sake!_ Derek squeezed his eyes against the tears that were forming. _Argh, this hurts_! He heard his mom get up and make the announcement. _She's always so gracious. Okay deep breaths, you gotta get up._ With Preston on one side and his mother on the other, Derek manages to maneuver into an upright position. He glanced over at the aisle Meredith just ran down, and tried to get a grip on what just happened. _What did you do? What did you just do?? You just sabotaged your wedding. Why, why would I do that? Maybe because you have doubts. I don't have doubts. Then why are you dreaming about Addison? _Derek shook his head to clear those thoughts._ I need a drink, and I need it now._ Derek glanced around the crowd looking for the best way out. _There's that woman in the indigo dress._ Her back was to him now, but he had a great view of her legs. Those legs… He was suddenly struck with a powerful vision of long legs wrapped around his waist, one hand against the wall for balance, sweat-slicked bodies moving against each other, and a soft feminine mewling in his ear. Derek snapped back to reality with a start. _Oh, are you kidding me? Now I'm seeing things. I know Addie's not here, and yet I would swear that was her, wearing my favorite color and swinging her hips. I really need that drink now._ He was turning around when he heard one of his nieces yell out, "Aunt Addie!!" He whipped back around and he saw it: Red.

Addison turned around just in time to catch her niece, Caitlain, who had launched herself at her aunt. "Hi, Caty." Addison said hugging her. The next thing Addison knew she was surrounded by Shepherds and inundated by questions. "Addison, what are you doing here?" "How are you?" "When did you get in?" "You look fabulous." "How long have you been here?" Addison took a deep breath and removed her sunglasses. "I'm fine; I got in last night, and thank you." She looked up and locked eyes with her ex-husband, who still stood frozen at the altar. She felt an electric shock course through her, from her head to her toes. _It's been two years; it shouldn't still feel like this after two years._ It seemed like time had stopped as they stared into each others eyes. The spell was broken as he took a step towards her. Her mind kicked back into gear; in fact it had shifted into overdrive. _Gotta go. Run. Run now. go, Go, GO!! _"I gotta go," she said abruptly as she turned on her heel and ran, without a glance back.

_She's…she's here. I wasn't imagining her. She came. She looks…stunning._ Addison looked up and their eyes met; he instantly experienced a jolt, a feeling he only had with her. He felt like he was in a trance; all he could think about was touching her and making sure she was actually there and that this wasn't another dream. But the instant he took a step, she turned and left at a sprint. He stopped and watched her go, trying to process the myriad of feelings coursing through him.

Meredith was so mad she was seeing red; which pissed her off even more. "This was supposed to be my day! I was supposed to be enjoying my salmon entrée right now." she stated as she tossed back her sixth, no seventh shot of Patron. (At times like this Jose just wouldn't do.) "How could he do this to me again? Again?!! SERIOUSLY!!!" She was sitting in the middle of Joe's still clad in her wedding dress. Cristina and Izzie sat on either side of her, nursing beers. "I mean, how hard is it to say the right name? He was looking right at me!" Izzie and Cristina glanced at each other. "Um, Mer? Why don't we go back to the house? That way you can get out of that dress and relax a bit." "Yeah, I was supposed to be relaxing on a beach in the Caribbean drinking rum, but that's not gonna happen now, is it?" Meredith downed another shot. "Besides, all his stuff is there and I don't wanna see him or his stuff. Right now all I want is another drink!" With that she got up and approached the bar. She tapped the bar impatiently with her fingers as she waited for Joe to finish up with another customer. "So, may I buy you a drink?" Meredith turned to look at the well-dressed man to her right. _Not gorgeous, but cute._ "Sure."

Addison rushed back to the hotel and quickly packed her things. Within 10 minutes, she was packed, checked out, and on her way to the airport. After a little flirting with the attendant, Addison was on the first flight back to LA. "Would you care for a drink, ma'am?" "Vodka tonic, please." Alcohol seemed like a very good idea at the moment.

Derek paced his hotel room. He really didn't know what to do. He knew that he needed to go talk to her. But there were several problems with this plan, the major one being he wasn't sure which "her" he was referring to. Then there was the fact that he didn't think she would talk to him. That could apply to either woman. The final problem was that even if he could figure out which woman to talk to and she was willing to talk, he had absolutely, positively no idea what he would say. Derek sighed and grabbed his keys and jacket. _I just need to talk to her._

Meredith pushed her stranger du jour down on the couch and straddled his lap. He was a rather sloppy kisser, but she's had worse. _What am I doing? This is what you do. You get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men. It's your thing. No, it's not, not anymore._ "Stop." "What?" "Stop." "What, now?" "Yes, I can't do this." Meredith stood up and pulled her dress down. "I gotta go, there's someone I need to talk to."

Addison sat curled on her couch, a bottle of vodka in her hands, the glass having long ago been discarded. Her mind was swimming with thoughts and emotions; she didn't have a clue where to begin. Well, they say it's best to start at the beginning. _Ok, so I just watched my ex-husband say my name during his vows. And how do you feel about that? Shocked, appalled… And? Pleased. Pleased? Yeah, in a sick twisted way, that made me a little happy. That is so wrong. I'm sick. _She took another long swig from the bottle._ And in the morning I'll be sick and hung-over._ The chime of the doorbell interrupted her musings. She rolled off the couch and wobbled on unsteady legs over to the door. Through the window she could see a very familiar silhouette. She sighed as she unlocked the door and opened it for her guest. "Hey."

"Addison, we need to talk."

So, that's the end. No, I'm joking. Hmm, I wonder who's at the door…well, I know. It may not be who you think; then again it might be. Okay enough with the double talk. Review, please! Oh, and cookies to anyone who gets the obvious movie reference. He's my other passion, savvy? ;-)


	4. Conversations

Alrighty, well I'm back with an update, finally! I get the feeling that you didn't believe my excuse, so here's the truth: I was studying for the boards. Yes, I just took the USMLE Step 1, so I spent the last month studying, having a nervous breakdown, and praying to God that I didn't pull a George. So, this update is a little longer, cuz I wanted to tie a few loose ends, so bear with me. To those who have reviewed I give my thanks, and hope that you continue.

Mony19: Yeah, I thought the best response was to just break out.

snowy84: I agree whole-heartedly; this would be the perfect fix to mess that is GA. And thank you!!!

basketballsuzie: Aww, no need to be nervous. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

XAddisonShepherdX: Thanks! It's also my cousin's b-day; she's almost as obsessed w/ Addek as I am.

Ciaobella06: Thank you for reading!

Ladyforga72: This probably wasn't the time frame you were thinking, but I plan to do better. ;-D

savinglives44: Thanks!!

Cowboys-and-coffee: Yeah, anything Addek gets my vote as well.

AngelEyes2332: Thank you, hope you like the chapter!

KittyLikesToScratch: First of all, love the name. Secondly, the cookies are kinda stale now, I'll work on a new batch. Thirdly, have you seen POTC3? Rocked my socks, seriously!

Once again, I own nothing; I'm just a poor med student. If I owned it, oh would things be different. Warning: brief language!

As Derek climbed in the driver's seat of his Range Rover and started the car, he still had no idea where he was going. He decided to just drive; he'd figure it out on the way. _How did I get here? Once again I have a choice to make, but do I really even have a choice? I don't know if Addie still wants me, I mean she did run. Do I want Addie? I can't stop thinking about her, dreaming about her, craving her. But what about Meredith? I don't want to hurt her again; I don't want to hurt either of them. Well you already hurt her once today, shall we finished her off or do I try to make it up to her? Who can I live without?_ Derek realized he had arrived at a destination. He turned to look at the house. He got out of the car and shut the door. Taking a deep breath he walked up the sidewalk to the porch. He saw a light shining through the window, so he knew she was still up. He took his key out and walked through the door; straight into the scene of a PG-13-rated déjà vu. He saw his fiancé, no make that ex-fiancé, climbing off the lap of some anonymous male and pulling down her dress. Her hair was mussed, lipstick smeared, and a large red blotch decorated her neck. As she turned toward him, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Derek…"

Derek took in the scene with an expressionless face and then turned back towards the door. _Just_ _go, get out of the house, leave._ Ignoring Meredith's pleas, he walked out and to his car. He got in and turned the ignition, but he didn't put it in drive_. What are you doing? Leaving. Oh, good idea, cause that worked SO well the last time._ Derek looked up to see the guy walk out of the house; when he walked in front of the Range Rover Derek gunned the engine. The man went white as a sheet and ran to his car tripping over his own feet. As Derek chuckled in the car, he realized something. He wasn't devastated, he didn't feel like he was drowning, he didn't require saving, he was…fine. Well, not fine fine, he was just kind of cheated on so he was understandably a bit upset, but he also didn't feel the need to drive to Florida, so all things considered he was pretty good. Derek killed the engine and got out. As he made his way back into the house, he came to a decision. He wasn't going to let history repeat itself; this time he would end the relationship before starting a new one.

* * *

"Addison we need to talk."

"You're right, we do. Come in." Addison sighed as Jake brushed by her. _Well were you really expecting Derek to just show up at your door? He's most likely somewhere trying to make it up to Meredith. In fact he's probably doing the thing with his…NO, stop! Bad Thoughts, BAD THOUGHTS!_ She shook her head and followed Jake into the den.

Jake turned toward her, "You look great."

_And you are a liar_. "Thank you." she said, sitting down.

He sat next to her, "I missed you."

Addison turned to look at him, "I was only gone a day."

"I know, but I still missed seeing that gorgeous smile."

"Oh," was the reply.

"So, I had time to think while you were away. I came across a picture of us from my office Christmas party, remember? Well, I was just blown away by how good we look together and…"

As Jake continued to talk Addie's mind started to drift. _Should I call him? No, then you look a little desperate. Besides, what would you say? "Hey, Derek, it's Addison. Umm, you said my name earlier so I was wondering if you'd like to come over and screw?"_ Addison looked back at Jake and nodded so he would think she was listening.

"…someone really special…"

_What is he babbling about? Just nod and smile. Why am I dwelling on Derek? They probably hopped a flight to Vegas by now, and are the new Drs. Shepherd._ Addie absentmindedly rubbed her empty ring finger. _I should just focus on Jake; I mean we are great together. I could definitely see him doing the backyard barbeques, yelling at the kids to be careful around the pool. Do I see myself there with him?_

"…someone I could spend the rest of my life with…"

_Wait, what the hell is he talking about?_

"Addie, I never thought that I could find that someone, but now…"

_Oh, my God. OH. MY. GOD. Is…Is he serious?_ The knock on the door interrupted their conversation. "I'll get it!" Addie said slightly breathless and a bit too loudly. "You…you just sit. I'll get it."

Addison practically sprinted to the door and whipped it open. "Mom! I am so glad to see you." she said pulling Gwendolyn in for a tight hug. "Well, I know that I wasn't due in until tomorrow, but with everything that happened toda…Am I interrupting something?" Gwen asked as she spotted Jake for the first time. "No, not at all," Addison said quickly.

We were just sitting here chatting. Mom, this is Jake Stuart. Jake, this is Gwendolyn Shepherd." "It is a pleasure to meet you, Jake." "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Shepherd. I've heard so much about you, I feel like we're old friends." "Likewise," Gwen laughed. Jake looked over at Addie, but was unable to catch her eye. "Well, I should let you ladies catch up, so I'll take my leave. I'll see you tomorrow, Addie?" "Of course," she replied as she walked him to the door. "I'll call you," and with a quick kiss he was gone.

As Addison shut and locked the door, she leaned her forehead against it and sighed. "So are you going to tell me what I interrupted?" Gwen asked.

"Maybe later, right now I'm just so glad that you're here."

* * *

Derek took a deep breath before walking back into the house. "Meredith? Mer?" he called, as he didn't see her immediately. He rounded the corner of the dining room and saw her in an all too familiar position: with a bottle of tequila pressed to her lips. "Meredith," he called softly. She turned her face towards him, it was tear-stained complete with a runny nose, and blood-shot eyes. He hadn't seen her look this bad since she had the breakdown about her mother in the supply closet.

"You came back," she sniffed.

"Yeah. Mer- "

"I'm so sorry, Derek," she interrupted. "Nothing happened really, I swear. I mean we made out yes, but that's as far as it went. I would never hurt you the way Addison did-"

"Stop, Meredith. You really don't need to explain yourself to me."

"No", she said, fresh tears tracking her face, "You have to understand. He didn't mean anything, this didn't mean anything. I was just upset and so mad at you I just…I don't know." She sniffed and made a futile attempt to wipe the moisture from her face. "No, I do know. How the hell could you do that to me? I mean, seriously how hard is it to say the right name?!"

Meredith paused and took a deep breath, "Okay, so the way I see it, we both fucked up today. But we have been through so much already; we can get through this too."

"Meredith-"

"We were rushing things, so we just need to take a step back and work on us."

"Mer-"

"I don't know maybe counseling or something like that because I really think-"

"Meredith stop!" Derek said, grabbing her shoulders. "My turn to talk." He sighed and released her, then ran his fingers through his hair. "In the last three years we have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can remember. Every time we turned around there was another problem or obstacle to face. I know that relationships are supposed to be tough and everyone has issues, but we've had enough problems for ten relationships! I just think that maybe we're not the right people for each other."

Meredith looked up at his last statement. "Maybe we're not the right people for each other?" she said incredulously. "Tell me Derek, do you have specific **person** in mind?!"

"This isn't about her."

"The hell it isn't, you said her name during our MARRIAGE ceremony! The only way you could make this more about her is if I walked in on the two of you having sex on my living room floor!" Derek flinched at that statement. She started pacing, "I don't get it, I thought you chose me. You SAID you chose me. 'When I had a choice to make, I chose wrong.' Does that ring any bells?! We were standing right here when you said it."

"I know, I remember. I sorry Mer, it was never my intention to hurt you. But what we had, it wasn't real."

"It was real to me."

"No, it wasn't. You never actually let me in. Here we are three years later and when anything goes wrong the first person you turn to is never me. Whenever you need help you never come to me. I'm not integrated into your life; I'm an easily removable piece. We're no more connected than we were when we first met; we never got past the superficial. You still can't even remember my family's names."

"So what, you're going to be with Addison because she can remember the names of your five nieces and nine nephews? Add in your four sisters, who hate me, and their husbands, that's a lot of names to remember, so I'm sorry of I have trouble recalling the names of your enormous clan. In case you've forgotten, I'm not big on family."

"First of all, it's nine nieces and five nephews. Second, the point is that you've never made the effort; after all this time you should know their names. Thirdly, I told you this is about you and me."

Meredith ignored his last comment. "So, what this is it? This is how we end?" She stared at him, her face once again wet with tears, "You never had any intention of working this out did you? You came over here to end things."

Derek looked at her sadly. "Meredith, we…we just weren't meant to be."

Meredith wiped at her tears, "I guess I should have seen this coming; you've been distant ever since you proposed. You even said her name a few times in your sleep, but I just refused to believe that you would do this to me again." He made a move to hug her, but she backed away from him. "Don't touch me," she hissed. She turned her back to him while she tried to compose herself. "What makes you think she'll take you back?" she asked suddenly.

"What?"

She turned towards him. "What makes you think she'll take you back? Let's be honest here Derek, you treated Addison like shit. Like she was something stuck to the bottom of your shoe. She was trying to rebuild your marriage, and you were chasing me all over the hospital. I mean you slept with me when she was, what, 50 ft. away? At best she'll probably laugh in your face. And then, Derek Shepherd, you will be the one left alone. Now, get out of my house."

"Meredith-"

"No, get out, GET OUT!!" She once again turned her back to him. Derek sighed and turned to go; he pulled his keys from his pocket and removed her house key from the key ring. He placed the key on the table and turned to look at her back. "I did love you Meredith. I never meant to hurt you."

Meredith turned, so her red-rimmed eyes bored into the cool blue of his. "Then why is that exactly what you did?"

* * *

So, that's chapter four I hope you liked it. I have a month's worth of ideas to get out, so I should be updating more frequently. You know, I've been thinking. This is an Addek story and in four chapters they haven't spoken once. Hmm, I should probably remedy that. I think I'll do it in the next chapter. So, if there's anyone who still cares about this story, and is still reading I have a small request: Review please!! Thank you, that is all. 


	5. Confusion and Denial

Mony19: Don't worry, he WILL work for it.

Parker0891: Thanks for reviewing!

iheartaddi: If it makes you evil, then call me Satan. Although I prefer Ruler of all that is evil. ;-D

lovestowritestories: Thanks!!

Mrs.Scott323: Addek is all I write. Glad you enjoyed! (And I do have a few ideas…)

snowy84: Only ten days, I'm getting better and thank you!!!

Okay, new chapter!!! This one is a little long, but I hope you enjoy! Review please!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!!

"…So I yank open the door and there is Julie, in my favorite Chanel suit, a string of pearls, and heels saying, "I'm ready for tea, Nana!" Addison laughed as she set the tray on the table in front of Gwendolyn.

"She sounds like quite a handful," Addison remarked.

"That she is; just like Nancy when she was little," Gwen replied. She looked at the tray in front of her. "This is the tea set I gave you for a wedding gift."

Addison looked down at the silver tea service and lovingly stroked the handle. "It's just so beautiful, I had to keep it." Addison shook away the memories that were assaulting her mind and returned to the present. "Cream and two sugars, right?"

"Perfect." Gwen accepted the offered cup. After taking a sip, she fixed Addison with her patented Mama Shepherd stare, a look which could give even Miranda Bailey a run for her money. "So, are we going to continue this inane dribble or should we discuss the events of the day?"

"That's a rhetorical question, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I was afraid of that." Addison looked down at her hands.

Gwen broke the silence, "Why did you run?"

"Well, it was a rather awkward situation, and I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the correct etiquette when your ex-husband says your name at his marriage ceremony to the woman he left you for." Addison took a deep breath after that mouthful, "I guess I just freaked."

"Derek said that you weren't even coming."

"I wasn't, but…I kept thinking about our wedding and I just…I don't know…I just…"

"You just needed some closure." Gwen stated matter-of-factly.

_How does she do that?_ Addison had never been that close with her own mother. She often thought that the only thing she shared with her mother (aside from the occasional card) was DNA. That was in stark contrast to the relationship she had with Derek's mother. From the first time they met, Gwen made Addison feel like another one of her daughters; the wedding was just a formality, Addison was already family. They shared a bond that not even the implosion of her marriage could destroy, and for that Addison was truly grateful. "Yeah," she agreed softly.

"To need closure implies that things are not completely settled between you two. Do you still have feelings for him?'

_Now there's a loaded question. Do I still have feelings for Derek? To say yes would be one hell of an understatement._ "I'll always have feelings for Derek; we were married for over a decade.

"Very well, I'll put the question another way. Are you still in love with Derek?"

* * *

The subject of their conversation was currently sitting in his trailer, at what passed for a dining room table, downing the last glass of a very good twelve-year-old scotch. He had gone through the entire bottle and was still unable to get Meredith's words out of his head. _"What makes you think she'll take you back…treated Addison like shit…she'll probably laugh in your face…you will be alone."_ Those phrases replayed in his head like the record from hell. A part of him wanted to write it off as the ramblings of an ex-girlfriend/fiancée; she was hurt and irrational. What could she possibly know about his relationship with Addison? Unfortunately, it seemed that that part of his mind was unable to hold its liquor and was currently sleeping it off, giving free reign to the rest of his mind, the part that was screaming that she was absolutely right. Apparently liquor was also the key to unlocking his memories. He was inundated by flash after flash; coming home to the brownstone seeing her asleep on the couch, his favorite chair, in bed with tear tracks on her porcelain face. He remembered constantly canceling dates, before he just started forgetting about them altogether, not to mention birthdays and anniversaries. Then in Seattle, he continued his indifference while being as cruel as humanly possible, topping it off by sleeping with his mistress and leaving her panties for his wife to find. If he were to really think about it, he was rather surprised that he made it through all of that with his anatomy intact. Addison had every right to hate him and wish him ill. She had taken every sling and barb he could throw at her with absolute class; all she had asked in return was that he showed her that he cared. 

He sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. He looked with bleary eyes around the trailer. This had to be the worst punishment of all; Addie was the embodiment of New York style and class and he forced her to live in a tin can in the woods. On second thought, it's the second worst; he didn't think anything could top finding the panties in his tux. "ARGHH!!!!" he yelled into the silence, running his fingers through his hair. Derek didn't know what to do. He wanted to go to her, but he wasn't sure if that was the best idea. He needed a friendly ear so he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

* * *

Addie and Gwen sat in silence long after the sound of Gwen's question had died out. Addison didn't know what to say; she knew how she felt, but admitting the feeling aloud would make it real. Past experience taught her that giving voice to her thoughts could have painful side effects. 

"Addie?"

Addison looked up to meet Gwen's familiar eyes; they were identical to Derek's. As she held their gaze she felt as though she were being x-rayed, those eyes could see into the very depths of her soul. She quickly broke contact and opened her mouth to speak, "I…"

Beethoven suddenly began blaring throughout the room. "I'm gonna get us some more cookies," Addison quickly finished and scurried off to the kitchen.

Gwen sighed and answered her phone, "Hello?"

(sigh) "Hi, Mom."

"Derek. How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Not good. I screwed up, Mom."

"Yes you did. Had I known you'd have so much trouble, I would have written her name on your hand like I used to do your Easter speeches."

"No…well yes, I did screw up my wedding, but I already ended things with Meredith. I was referring to me and Addison."

"Oh, well yes I'd say you did a pretty good job of decimating that relationship."

"Gee, thanks, Mom."

"I've never lied to you before, and I certainly don't intend to start sugar-coating things now. Yes, she made a mistake; about the biggest mistake you can make in a marriage, but Derek you broke her to the point that the Addison we knew no longer existed."

(another sigh.) "I know."

"You neglected her."

"Yes."

"Then you punished her."

"Yes"

"You put that woman through absolute hell."

"Yes."

"Stop saying yes!"

"Ye—Okay."

"And yet after all of that, she's still in love with you."

"She-she told you that?"

"She didn't have to. Whenever we discuss you she gets this look in her eye; the same look she had seventeen years ago when you brought her home for the first time. Yes, she still loves you, but she no longer trusts you, and until you get that back, you have nothing."

"So what do I do?"

"You have to figure that out for yourself, sweetie. However, from the look of things around here, I'd figure it out quickly."

"Around where? Where are you?"

"In LA with Addie. I'd be on my way down here if I were you."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, she's on her way back. I'll see you soon, dear. 'Bye."

"Mom? Wait, why do I need to get down there? Mom? MOM?!" Dial-tone. "Damn it."

* * *

Addison walked back into the room. "I know you must be tired from today and I have to be at the hospital early in the morning so why don't we turn in." 

Gwen stifled a yawn, "That sounds like a great idea. I'm still on New York time." She glanced over at Addison as they ascended the stairs, "That was Derek on the phone…he ended things with Meredith."

Addison was careful to keep her face stoic, "Oh? How's he doing?"

"Not very well. He misses you."

Addison showed Gwen to her room, "I already laid out fresh towels for you. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Addie-"

"He just doesn't want to be alone and I will not be his consolation prize. Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, Addison."

* * *

The next day Addie stood leaning against the nurse's station stifling a rather large yawn. She had spent the entire night tossing and turning. _He ended things with Meredith…he misses you._ She sighed. _If I was who he really wanted he wouldn't have treated me the way he did._ _Alright that's it, stop thinking about Derek. I'm focusing on Jake now. Jake who cares about me, loves me, and wants to marry me._ As if on cue, Addie felt her Blackberry vibrate: **Dinner tonight? Pick you up in the lobby at 7. – 3, J**. Addison smiled and began to gather her things when she felt a familiar chill up her spine. 

September 1990

Addison had just plopped her books down at a table in the library when she felt it. It was weird, as though a chill had gone throughout her entire body, from her head to her toes. She simply assumed that it was due to the air conditioning in the library and pulled on her sweater. She was ten pages into her biochem syllabus when she finally realized that this feeling would not leave her. She glanced around to see if anyone else was being affected and then she saw him. When her eyes locked with his, she swore she could feel her heart rate accelerate. Then he smiled and her body temp increased about 50˚. He rose from his seat and moved toward her table and Addison discovered she was having difficulty breathing. _If he speaks, he just might kill me._

"Hi," he said, extending his hand and smiling that smile, "I'm Derek Shepherd."

"H-hi," she replied, cursing her shaky voice.

"So, what's your name?"

"Umm…" _Crap, what is my name?_ "Uh, Addison. Addison Montgomery."

"So Addison, do you mind if I join you?"

"Uh, no, not at all."

Four months later, they were lying in bed together watching Saturday morning cartoons. At the moment, Spiderman was on. Derek commented that he liked Addison's red hair much more than Mary Jane's and Addie giggled. "So, I'm more appealing than a cartoon character?"

"Definitely."

"What about Jessica Rabbit?"

"Ooh…Now that's a tough one."

"Derek!"

Derek laughed and pulled her closer. "I would pick you over any woman in the world, real or imaginary."

Addison leaned over and kissed him. "Compliments will get you everywhere." She lay back on his chest. She was quiet for a few seconds, "You know, I have my own version of spider-sense."

"Do you really?" he replied stroking her hair.

"Yeah, I can always tell when you're around. I just get this feeling, this chill up my spine. It's my "Shepherd-sense"."

"You have "Shepherd-sense"." he stated, laughter evident in his voice.

"Are you mocking me, Shepherd? Because I really don't think that you are in a position to mock."

Derek smiled and rolled over so that he was hovering above her. "I am merely admiring how adorable you are. "I love you, Addie."

"I love you, Derek."

* * *

Addison took a deep breath and turned around to face him, but…no one was there. Her forehead creased as she looked down the hallway both ways. Her "Shepherd-sense" had never failed her before. She could even smell his aftershave, but he was no where to be seen. "I would have sworn…" 

"Is something wrong, Dr. Montgomery?" inquired a petite nurse.

"Uh, no. Everything's fine." Addison picked up her things and moved on, still searching for him. As she turned the corner, Derek emerged from his hiding place on the other side of the nurses' station. _What the hell was that? You hid. Since when are you afraid of Addie? Since I don't know what to say to her. You jackass, just go talk to her._ "Okay, I'm going." he said aloud.

"Can I help you, sir? asked the nurse.

"No, just talking to myself," Derek replied. At the nurse's raised eyebrow, he quickly elaborated. "Don't worry I'm not an escaped psych patient, I'm just a little lost. Could you tell me how to get to Dr. Montgomery's office?

By the end of the day Addison felt like she needed a psych consult. Her "Shepherd-sense" had been going off all day: twice near her office, again at the nurses station and outside of three different patient's rooms. Yet, at no point had she seen hide nor hair of Derek Shepherd. By the time seven o'clock arrived, Addie was emotionally drained and more than ready for a lovely dinner coupled with a double martini. As she stepped off the elevator into the lobby she got the shiver up her spine, but this time she chose to ignore it. She was determined to enjoy the rest of her evening without looking for imagined people. She caught Jake's eye from across the lobby and they began to walk towards each other.

"Addie."

It was barely more than a whisper, but the voice caused her heart rate to double. She closed her eyes and slowly turned, half-hoping that he would once again be a figment of her imagination, but it seemed luck was once again not on her side. "Derek."

* * *

Alrighty, another chapter complete! I know, I know it's a bit corny at times but I took my little brothers to see Spiderman 3, so give me a break. And I couldn't resist the Jessica Rabbit reference, best cartoon character ever in my opinion, well you can't forget Betty Boop…okay, let me stop. I hope that you liked the chapter, review please!! I really appreciate everyone who has reviewed and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. (And I said they would talk, I didn't say for how long. ;-D There's a good deal in the next chapter though! Girl Scouts honor.) 


	6. Confrontations

Mony19: Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

AngelEyes2332: Thanks, I really liked writing the flashback.

WeAreAddisonAndDerek: Thank you!

iheartaddi: I think Gwen is rapidly becoming my favorite character, she's just awesome.

XAddisonShepherdX: Sanity is very important, I hope this helps.

Ladyforga72: Thanks!

La Vi3 bOh3M3: Don't worry, I'm Addek all the way!

McAddekluvrrr: Thank you!

loves2writestories: Thanks, I just really liked that for some reason.

Mrs.Scott323: LOL! Thank you.

Cowboys-and-coffee: Thank you

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

"Derek, what are you doing here? 

"I had to see you, I-"

"Addison, is everything okay?" Jake inquired coming up behind her and placing his hand on the small of her back. Derek's eyes narrowed at the contact. _Why is he touching her like that?_

"Yes, it's fine," she replied, her eyes never leaving Derek's and her pulse definitely racing. _Breathe Addie, just breathe. Good air in, bad air out_. "Jake, this is Derek Shepherd. Derek, this is Jake Steward."

"Derek, as in your ex-husband Derek?" At Addison's nod, he studies Derek more critically. "Well, well I finally get to meet the brainless brain surgeon."

Derek bristles at the comment and draws himself up to his full height of 5'10 ½" (which is less than intimidating considering Jake is 6'4"). "What is it that you do, Jake?"

"I am an attorney."

"I see, so this is a business meeting?"

Jake smirks. "No, I'd say the meetings between Addison and myself are decidedly personal in nature.

Derek opens his mouth to retort, when Addison interrupts. "Gentlemen, as amusing as this show of testosterone is, I would prefer not to become the next hot topic for the gossip mill, so why don't we continue this conversation elsewhere. Derek, why don't you go wait for me in my office, I'm sure you know where it is. I'll be right with you." She pulls Jake aside, "Listen, I'll deal with him, send him on his way, and then I'll go home and freshen up so I'll see you in, let's say, two hours. How does that sound?"

"That sounds fine, but do you need me to stick around to help you out with him?"

"No, I can handle Derek." She gave him a quick peck and turned to leave. Jake grabbed her arm and spun her against the wall, then proceeded to engage her in a passionate kiss. He pulled away breathless and gave her a boyish grin. Addie looked at him and blinked rapidly. _Hmm, that did nothing for me._ "Okay, what was that for?"

"I dunno. I just felt the urge to kiss you."

"Well, I'm a firm believer in following one's urges."

"Good to know." He gave her a quick peck. "See you in two hours."

"Okay." Addie replied as she watched him walk away. She then turned towards the elevators and took it to her floor. Before she knew it she found herself standing in front of her office door, hesitating. _What's the problem? Just go in. I don't know if I can do this. What, it's just Derek, go talk to him. I know but it's Derek. Addison Forbes Montgomery, are you really going to let him intimidate you on your own turf?_ She drew herself up to her full height. _Absolutely not._ She opened the door.

Derek was walking around Addison's office admiring the furnishings. Addison had the unique talent of making what was fashionable comfortable. The office looked as though it could have been in a New York showroom, but he knew from experience that if he were to sit on the couch, the leather would feel like butter, and it would mold to his spine. He glanced at the various pictures scattered on her desk and bookshelf. Some of the individuals he recognized like Savvy, Weiss, Callie, and Miranda; others he didn't know but he noticed how happy Addie looked in the pictures. In each picture she was smiling, her eyes sparkling; this was the Addison he fell in love with, the Addison that had disappeared the last few years of their marriage. _You broke her to the point that the Addison we knew no longer existed._ He sighed and replaced the photo on the shelf. He turned to her desk, a beautiful rich mahogany, and sank into her chair. He leaned back in the chair and propped his feet on the edge of her desk_. What's taking her so long? What, is she down there making out with the guy?_ His eyes ticked to the two pictures that graced her desk. One made him feel like an ass, the other made his blood boil. He looked at the family picture; everyone was there, his mother, all four sisters and their spouses, innumerable nieces and nephews, and Addison. Every single member of the family was present, everyone but him. He stared at Addison's face and lightly stroked her image; although her eyes were still shiny and bright, at that point they had begun to dull. He then turned his focus to the other picture. Addison wore a green wrap dress that stopped just above the knee and showed a hint of décolletage. Wrapped around her was Jake, with one hand on her hip and the other low on her back. Addison had her arms around his neck; both were grinning into the camera and looked disgustingly happy. He hated to see other men with their hands on his Addie; he always was the jealous type. He looked up as the door was opening.

* * *

Ding-dong. 

"I'll get it!" Addison yelled in response to the doorbell. She paused to check herself in the hall mirror. _Lipstick? Perfect. Dress? Divine. Hair? Obviously. Purse? Check. Okay, now open the door. Aw, crap._ "Derek. Shouldn't you be at least halfway back to Seattle by now?"

He looked up at her through his lashes, "Probably, yet I found that I couldn't leave the city." _She looks incredible._

Addison placed her hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. "And why was that?"

"I dunno, I just felt drawn to you," he said with a smirk. "These are for you." He handed her a beautiful bouquet of red orchids.

_He actually remembered my favorite flower. Whatever, doesn't matter._ "They are lovely Derek, thank you," she replied a bit stiffly.

"You're welcome, listen Addie, I was thinking that maybe we could ta—"

"Jake!" Addison interrupted. "Right on time as usual."

"Good evening, gorgeous," he replied leaning in to kiss her. "Derek."

"Jake."

"So, are you ready, sweetheart?"

"Of course, let's go. Well, it was nice talking to you Derek, I'm sorry you can't stay--."

"Of course he can stay." a voice cut-in. Addie turned to see Gwen standing behind her. "I didn't get a chance to catch up with my son, so this is the perfect opportunity."

Derek grinned as Addie scowled, "Oh, well it's settled then", he said cheerfully, "Enjoy your date."

Addie narrowed her eyes at his annoying grin. _I wish I could slap it off his face._ She schooled her features into a seductive grin and looked over at Jake. "Oh," she purred, stroking Jake's arm, "I always do." She watched with great satisfaction as Derek's eyes flashed and the grin slid from his face. "Have a good night, you too," she said with a smile. "Don't wait up," she added as his jaw twitched. She pulled the door closed behind her as she and Jake exited. A few seconds later the door re-opened and Addison stuck her head back in. "Oh, could you take care of these for me, thanks." She shoved the bouquet back into his hands and shut the door.

Derek sighed as he looked down at the orchids. Gwen chuckled as she observed him, "Oh, you really didn't think it was going to be that easy did you?"

* * *

Addison and Jake sat at a prominent table in LA's hottest new restaurant. It was owned by one of Jake's many clients. It appeared the owners were going for island cool meets New York chic motif, and were failing miserably. She gave the place six months tops. _At least they know how to make a good martini._

"Would you like another?"

She looked up to see Jake smiling at her. "I would, indeed."

He stood to refill their drinks, "I live to please you, m'lady." he winked as he walked off.

As she waited for Jake to return with their drinks her mind drifted back to the conversation she had had with Derek. She sighed as it replayed in her mind.

Addison walked in to see Derek relaxing in her chair with his feet on her desk. She just looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "Well, make yourself comfortable, Dr. Shepherd.

"Don't mind if I do, Dr. Shep—Montgomery." _Damn, talk about your Freudian slips._ "This is a very nice office you have here."

"Thank you. Now get out of my chair."

"Of course." He stood and held the chair for her so she could sit. She sat back in the chair and crossed her legs; his eyes eagerly tracked the slight ascension of her skirt. He then perched himself on the edge of her desk. "So."

"So."

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Addison was the first to speak. "Derek, you are the one who drove all the way down here from Seattle, so I'm assuming you had something to say to me."

"I do. How are you, Addison?"

"I am quite well, thank you." Another long pause. "How are you, Derek?"

"Not good. I miss you."

Addison stood up at that, "Look, Derek…"

"No, Addie, let me finish." He started to pace. "I had this all planned out, I wanted to ease into this conversation, but now I guess we've already wasted enough time…" He stopped in front of her. "Okay, I miss you. I miss you everyday. I miss waking up to you, spending time with you, sleeping with you, fighting with you, making up with you. For the past two years, I've been living a lie, having a mid-life crisis, whatever you want to call it. I just know that I need you, I want you back. Being without you these past years has been tearing up my heart. At night I lie awake, I drive myself crazy thinking of you. I know you're gone, but I'm here to ask you to give me another chance."

Addison tried to absorb everything that he had just said. "Well, that is quite a statement. But, Derek let me tell you what I don't miss. I don't miss coming home to an empty bed. I don't miss waking up or going to sleep alone. I don't miss attending family functions by myself. I don't miss making up excuses for you. I don't miss asking nurses for the whereabouts of my husband. I don't miss being ignored. I don't miss having to fight with a twelve-year-old over my husband. I don't miss waiting for my husband to decide that it's gonna be me, that I'm the one he wants to spend his life with." Addison takes a deep breath, and her voice is a bit softer. "I have finally been able to put that part of my life behind me, Derek. I've moved on. I have a man who loves and cares for me. Someone who is attentive and who I know would never intentionally hurt me, not like you did. All we did was cause each other pain, and I'm sick of hurting. So, why don't you do us both a favor and go back to Seattle."

"Addison-"

"No. Goodbye, Derek. Bye, bye, bye."

_Wait, Bye, bye, bye? I didn't say that. What the…Are they playing NSYNC?_

Jake returns with their drinks, "Is that an NSYNC song they're playing?"

"Yes, yes it is."

"Alrighty then." He looks at her closely, "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"You just seem a little down, did Derek say or do something?"

"No, it was fine."

"What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing important."

"Addie, you know you can talk to me about anything; I'm here for you."

"I know, but there's nothing to talk about."

"Addie-"

"Jake, just drop it alright?!" Addison snapped.

Jake looked stunned. Addison closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "My apologies, that was uncalled for. I'm getting a migraine, could you take me home?"

"Sure."

* * *

Addison leaned back against the door as she locked it. She sighed and dropped her purse on the side table. _I just want to take a hot shower and collapse in bed. Maybe I'll try out my new showerhead, that's a lot easier than dealing with-_

"You know it's barely eleven o'clock. I guess it didn't go too well tonight, huh? That or he's really fast, either way it's bad news for you."

_-men. Damn it_. "What are you still doing here?"

"It's late and I'm tired, you wouldn't want me to have a wreck now would you?"

"No, we wouldn't want that. I can recommend several nice hotels that are quite close--"

"Actually, Mom mentioned that you had an extra guest room."

"Indeed, I do. Now, getting back to the hotels—what are you looking at?" She had just noticed the book that lay open on his lap. As she stepped closer she knew immediately what it was: their wedding album.

He looked down at the picture. "They were a happy couple weren't they?" He took a sip from his tumbler, half-full of amber liquid.

Addie stole his glass and let the liquid burn down her throat. "They were young and naïve. I see you didn't have any trouble finding the scotch."

"No, the set up is similar to the brownstone. And they were in love."

"They thought love would solve all of their problems. They didn't have a clue."

Derek leaned his head back against the couch and rolled his head towards her. "When did you become so cynical?"

Addison mirrored his position, "When did you become absent?"

"Addie…"

Her eyes focused on the ceiling. "It's hard to keep your youthful idealism when your knight in shining armor morphs into an uncaring, unfeeling, absentee husband."

"Addison, I've never stopped caring about you. I have always loved you."

Addison turned and looked at him incredulously, "Well, you sure have a hell of a way of showing it!" She stood and fixed herself a martini; her hands shook slightly. _Why is he saying this now? Why can't he just let everything rest?_

She held her back to him, but he could tell that she was barely holding on to her composure. He decided to swim to safer waters. "You have done an incredible job with this place. It could be straight from the pages of _House and Garden_."

She turned to him with a small smile. "Thank you."

"I would love a tour by the lady of the house."

"Sure," she agreed. "Well, this is the living area…" She continued on, showing Derek the living room, dining room, and kitchen, then led him up the stairs to show her office, one of the two guest rooms (Gwen was sleeping in the other), and stopped at the door to the master suite. "…and this is my room."

"Don't I get to see inside?"

Addison gave him a look, "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why not? I'll be a good boy," he gave a mischievous grin, "I promise."

She considered him a moment before relenting, "Fine." She opened the door and walked in, "This is my boudoir. My fabulous bathroom, complete with Jacuzzi tub is to your right, to your left, a spectacular view of the Pacific Ocean, and over here is the pièces de résistance, my closet." She pulled open the double doors to reveal row upon row of shoes and designer clothing.

"Holy shit! Addison, I could fit my entire trailer in this closet."

Addison smiled and turned to look out at her view. There was a full moon reflecting on the ocean, and she watched the waves lap upon the beach. She felt him come to stand behind her.

"Absolutely beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

She suppressed a shiver and swallowed hard. "It, uh, it is a wonderful view."

He pressed closer to her back. "That's not what I was referring to."

"Derek," she started, turning to face him. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared into his eyes. They were dark and smoldering, and he had her pressed against the glass with not an inch of space between them. She could feel his warm breath against her lips and his hands resting lightly on her hips. "You…you promised to be good."

Derek smirked, "Oh, I will be good," he whispered, his lips lightly grazing over hers as she shivered. "I intend to ensure that you enjoy every minute of it."

* * *

Alright that seems like a good place to stop. Please review! A prize to whomever discerns the NSYNC songs present in this chapter. 


	7. Flowers and Kisses

sheisMc.HOT: LOL. Oh, don't hate me! I miss them too. This is my way of dealing with the grief process. Obviously, I haven't gotten past denial.

Mrs.Scott323: You know, I had that idea, maybe it will show up…

loves2writestories: That was my favorite line! And yes you were supposed to take it that way. With me, dirty is always the way to go! ;-D

La Vi3 bOh3M3: Thank you! And they will be…eventually.

crazy-chica6: Yeah, I don't know why they did that, it just kind of worked. Thanks.

Ladyforga72: Thank you!

LanieCroft: Thank you, more to come.

Cowboys-and-coffee: Hmm…No one likes Jake, I wonder why…

princessmandi: Not exactly a quick update, but I hope you like it!

goldentail: I enjoy seeing him beg as well.

KittyLikesToScratch: Thank you!! Your cookies are a little stale now, I'll bake some more.

Disclaimer: I own nothing…unfortunately.

Warning: Brief language and adult situations. Alright, now, on with the show:

_What are you doing? Stop!! This is…this is bad…very bad…wrong, even. Oh…oh my Go-ahhh._ Addison's mind was racing a mile a minute. Her fingers tangled in his thick, dark mane. She was still pressed against the glass, Derek's mouth upon hers kissing her breathless. One hand was on the small of her back pulling her closer; the other was lazily stroking her thigh and was slowly headed north. _Oh, this is nice…No, it's wrong!...Why is it wrong?...Um…oh, because I'm with, um,…Jake! Right, Jake…but this feels so good. Jake doesn't feel like this. No, c'mon Addie. Okay, I'll push him away on three._ Derek moved his lips down to her neck and eased down the straps of her dress. _Alright, here we go. One, two-oooooo…oh, he hit the spot._ Derek had found the spot right behind her ear, the one that made her weak in the knees…the one that Jake still hadn't found. Derek slipped his hand down her back and around to her sides and slowly began pushing her dress up to her hips. His hand then slid between her thighs to the edge of her panties, which were already embarrassingly wet. _Okay, now is the time to stop. I have to stop this, we're crossing the line. _Addison chuckled to herself. _Honey, you can't even see the line anymore._ He stroked just along the edge, eliciting a moan from Addison. _Maybe one time won't hurt…_

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP.

"Oh. OH! Um, my pager." The spell broken, Addison pushed Derek away and went in search of the device.

"Is it important?" he murmured coming up behind her.

She quickly moved away and began gathering her things, "Yes, 911. I gotta go."

"Addie…" _She's_ _freaking out. Why is she freaking out? What happened?_

Addison pulled her dress back down and opened the door to her bedroom and ran into Gwen. "Whoa, where's the fire?"

"I, uh, I got paged, so I gotta go," Addison stammered, not meeting her eyes as she pulled up the straps on her dress.

Gwen silently took in Addison's tousled appearance. "Okay, drive safely." Addison nodded and fled as quickly as possible.

Gwen turned to Derek as the door slammed behind Addison and fixed him with her most terrifying glare, "What did you do?"

* * *

"Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid…" Addison banged her hand on the steering wheel as she sped towards the hospital. "How could you let that happen?" She sighed as she stopped at a light. "This is absolutely ridiculous. Why is it that the man who is perfect for me does nothing for me, but the man who broke me…" Her mind flashed back to a few minutes before; no one else had ever made her feel that way. She took a deep breath as she parked her car, "Well, time to trade my problems for someone else's."

* * *

"What did you do?" Gwen repeated. 

Derek looked down at his feet, "Nothing."

"Derek Matthew Shepherd, don't make me ask again."

"I might have kissed her." he muttered.

"And?"

"And done some other stuff…"

Gwendolyn stared at her son for a moment. Then she stepped forward and smacked the back of his head.

"OW! What was that for?" Derek inquired, rubbing his head.

"I told you to talk to the woman, not fondle her!"

"We were talking…and then not so much."

Gwen just stared at him incredulously. "Did I teach you nothing about women? Go sit down, I'm going to make us a cup of tea, and then we're going to talk."

* * *

Addison found an empty on-call room and collapsed on to the bed. Mother and son were resting comfortably and Addie, being the amazing surgeon that she is, was even able to save the woman's uterus, so that she might give birth again. Her feelings of accomplishment soon faded, and were replaced with her confusion from earlier in the night. _How is he still able to affect me like this? Because you love him. Yeah, I do. But love isn't enough, it wasn't enough to keep my marriage together. _Addison sighed, she'd had this conversation with herself many times before; perhaps it was time for a new perspective. She pulled out her cell and glanced at the time. After hesitating a second, she called speed dial 3. 

"Someone better dying," a groggy voice answered.

"Hey, Ro."

"Addison? Addie, it is five-fuckin'-o'clock in the morning. What is wrong that it can't wait another three hours at least?" Robin inquired, not bothering to open her eyes.

"I slept with Derek."

"WHAT?!!" Robin exclaimed, shooting straight up in bed and turning on her light.

"I assume that woke you up."

"You slept with him?!"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"You're Satan, you know that?"

"So I've been told."

"So, what did happen?"

"Ok, well cliffnotes version: Derek showed up at the hospital yesterday. He told me he missed me and that he wanted me back. I told him to go back to Seattle, he showed up at my home, and somehow I began the evening going out with Jake and ended it making out with my ex-husband."

"Wow…Yeah, that's a lot to take in before coffee. And I need details, so tell you what I'll meet you at the café on 8th at 7:30."

"Alright, see you then."

* * *

Derek and his mother sat across from one another at Addison's kitchen table. As he shifted under his mother's stare he felt like he had regressed about 20 years. "Mom…" 

Gwendolyn held up her hand, cutting Derek off. "Derek…What do you want from Addison?"

Derek looked taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you want from her?"

"Are you asking me my intentions with Addison?"

"Yes."

"Shouldn't this conversation be the other way around?"

"No. Addison is trying to move on, she is trying to be happy and put herself back together. You, however, are trying to pull her back in. So I want to know, once and for all, what are your intentions?"

Derek looked down at the table and watched his reflection as he spoke. "For a long time, I wanted to forget that she ever existed. I prayed to wake up one morning with a 15 year retrograde amnesia. When I walked into our bedroom that night…" Derek squeezed his eyes shut against the memory. "When she showed up in Seattle, she was dressed in black from head to toe, bold as sin, and the way she introduced herself to Meredith…" Derek chuckled, "I was furious at her, but she was Addison, my Addie. I couldn't sign the papers then, but I couldn't forgive her either. So, I was mean and cruel and damn near sadistic." He sighed, "Then suddenly I was free. One quick and dirty romp in an exam room and I was free of fifteen years of history. Free to be with the woman I love, only to realize that she was the one I lost. Yes, Meredith and I were happy for a time, but once the thrill of the forbidden was gone, and bright and shiny became dull and lifeless, there really wasn't anything left. I found myself thinking of Addison more and more and missing her. Even with the upcoming wedding, I couldn't think of anyone but her. I dreamed about her, fantasized about her. I realized that when I saw myself in the future the person sitting next to me was Addie." He looked up and looked his mother straight in the eye. "I love her, Mom. I always have and I always will. I would do absolutely anything to make her happy. I want to lie next to her every night and wake up beside her every morning. I want a little boy with red hair and a little girl with her eyes. I want barbeques in the backyard with the kids playing by the pool. I finally know what I want, and I want Addison."

* * *

BAM! 

Addison looked up as the large Birkin bag was dropped in front of her face. "Well, good morning sunshine!" Addison grinned.

"Shut up." Robin plopped down into her chair. "If you weren't my best friend, I'd cut you for waking me up at five in the morning. Now, spill."

"Robin, you sell real estate. Of the two of us I think I should be doing the cutting."

"Yes, well, I need my beauty sleep to sell those properties. Sleep which you interrupted with your crisis, so now let's talk. I have to be on site by 9:00."

Addison proceeded to relay the previous day's events in exquisite detail, over a breakfast of stuffed French toast topped with strawberries and the best cappuccino in the city complete with freshly whipped cream.

Robin sat back and looked at her friend. "Wow."

"Yeah."

They set in silence for a moment, and then Robin burst out laughing.

"What?" Addison asked.

"Only you. These things could only happen to you."

"Thanks, Ro. Big help."

"Addie, you just need to make a choice. Who do you want to be with? Who makes you happy?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "Who makes your toes curl?"

"ROBIN!!"

"What? I'm trying to help you out Addie. That is an important consideration."

Addison sighed, "I just don't want to be hurt again."

"That's the chance you take, when you play the game of love and hate."

Addison smirked, "I'm pretty sure it's love and war."

"Not the way I play it."

* * *

Gwen didn't say anything for a long time after Derek's confession. She just examined her son. "This will not be easy. 

"I know."

"You are going to have to fight like hell."

"I know."

"She is going to fight you."

"She wouldn't be my Addie if she didn't."

* * *

Addison walked into her office and gasped. Every available surface was covered with white lilies and roses; with the LA sun shining through her window the effect was rather blinding. This is why she didn't immediately notice the man standing in the middle of it all, and jumped about a mile in the air when he spoke. 

"Addison."

"Jake…what is all this?"

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman."

_Hmm, corny. And I don't see any orchids. I can give them to the ladies on the ward_. "Well this is certainly a surprise, thank you," she said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You seemed a little down last night, so I just wanted to make you smile."

"You certainly succeeded." Addison moved around to her desk and tried to locate her computer under the mountain of flowers.

"I also wanted to see you before I left."

"Left? Where are you going?"

"I have to go to New York, I should be gone approximately a week, two at most."

"When do you leave?"

"In about forty-five minutes."

"And you're just telling me now?"

"It's rather last minute, I know. I intended to tell you last night, but our night was cut short."

"Yeah, Jake, listen about last night-"

"No, Addie, wait please. There's something that I've been trying to ask you for a while now, and each time I plan it, something goes wrong, so please let me just get this out. I love you. I love everything about you from your flaming red hair to your Manolo-clad feet. I love your smile, your walk, your compassion, and your grace."

"Jake-"

"Addie, I want you to be the mother of my children." He dropped to his knee in front of her. "Addison Forbes Montgomery, will you marry me?"

* * *

Not my best chapter, but a necessary one nonetheless. For those of you looking for the Addekness, the fun is about to begin. As always, please review!! They inspire me to write, and just basically make life happy! ;-D 


	8. Proposals

Disclaimer: I own nothing; characters are the property of Shonda and ABC.

Addison stood frozen, looking at Jake in near horror. "What?!"

"I asked you to marry me." he replied, opening the blue box to reveal a stunning 4 carat princess cut diamond in a platinum setting.

"Jake, I…Is this a joke?"

"I've never been more serious in my life. I love you, and I want you to be my wife."

Addison raised an eyebrow at the rhyme. "This is rather sudden…Why are you asking me now?" she asked, stalling for time.

"I told you, I couldn't wait any longer. I want you to be mine. I want you to have my ring on your finger, so that everyone will know that you belong to me."

Both eyebrows shot up at that statement. "I beg your pardon, _belong_ to you? I am no one's property."

"No, I just meant that I want other men to know that you're off the market…spoken for."

"So, you're proposing because you're insecure? You don't trust me?"

"NO! No, that's not it. I trust you completely, I just don't trust the other men."

"Men or man?"

"What?"

"Is this about Derek? Are you jealous, is that why you're proposing now?"

"No, I've had this ring for weeks, it has nothing to do with Derek. Though it is interesting that you bring him up now," he replied getting up from the floor.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, why would you bring up your ex-husband during a marriage proposal from another man?"

"I'm simply trying to figure out where this is all coming from, why are you getting so defensive?"

"I'm not defensive!" he yelled. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his voice and continued, "This is not at all how I planned this." He sighed and looked into her eyes, "Alright, come here let's sit down." He moved some of the flowers out of the way so they could sit on her couch. "I know that you are the woman I will spend the rest of my life with, but you've been hurt so I can understand your hesitancy." Addison opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by his raised hand. "So I have a proposal…well another proposal anyway. I'm going to be gone nearly two weeks, so I want you to think about it while I'm gone. I want you to picture who you see yourself growing old with; when you're arthritic and grey, who's the man sitting next to you?" He paused. "To help your decision, and so that you don't have any doubts when we do marry, consider us…well, consider us on a break."

Addison's eyebrows shot up, "On a break?"

"Yes, I want you to do whatever you need to, so that you know for a fact that I am the man for you."

"So you're breaking up with me?"

"No, I'm giving you space to make a guilt-free decision." Just then his pager went off, and he looks down to check it. "Limo's here. You want to ride to the airport with me?"

"I have a c-section in twenty minutes."

"Oh," he bent down to grab his briefcase. He walked toward her and placed the box in her palm. "You should have something pretty to look at while you're thinking," he said with a wink. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips, "I love you, Addison," he whispered, "See you in two weeks."

Addison just nodded as he left her office. When he was gone, she looked down at the ring in her hand. "Wow," she breathed.

"_Derek!" Addison cried happily as she pulled open her door, "What are you doing here?"_

"_A guy needs a reason to visit his favorite girl?" he grinned._

"_I had better be your only girl," she replied playfully punching him. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure?"_

"_I just thought I'd take the most beautiful woman on the planet out to lunch," Addison blushed at his compliment, and then he continued, "but she wasn't available so I thought I'd take you instead." _

"_Ah," she scoffed. "Just for that, you can eat alone."_

"_No, please. I humbly request the pleasure of your company." he stated bowing low. _

"_Well, when you put it that way, how can I resist?"_

_He just grinned at her._

_They went out to her favorite Chinese restaurant and though they talked and laughed as usual, something was off. Something Addison couldn't quite put her finger on, but felt just the same. Derek seemed different, and was it her imagination or did he keep sticking his hand in his pocket?_

_After lunch they took a walk and ended up at the Empire State building, at one of the many viewfinders. It was a crisp, clear spring day; you could see around for miles. Addison glanced over at Derek; he had been unusually quiet since they left the restaurant._

"_Hey," he looked up at her, "Everything alright?" she asked._

"_Uh, yeah, it's…I'm fine."_

"_You sure? You look a little pale," she stepped forward to feel his forehead, "You don't feel warm. But maybe we should go home anyway."_

"_NO!" he yelled. Addison jumped back, startled. "I mean, no, I'm fine. Why don't we look through the viewfinder?"_

"_Um, okay." Addison turned to the one nearest her._

"_Hey, why don't we use this one?" Derek stated, while walking toward one a few feet down._

"_What's the difference?" Addison asked following him._

"_There isn't one; this one just seems to have a better view that's all." He stepped up to it and put his money in. After a few seconds he gasped, "Wow, would you look at that?"_

"_What?" Addison asked, curious. _

"_See for yourself, that office building on the corner."_

_Addison stepped up to the viewfinder and looked where he indicated. There stretched across several office windows were the words:_

_ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY_

_WILL YOU MARRY ME?_

_Addison gasped and whipped around to look at Derek, who had already dropped to one knee. "Addison, you are the love of my life. I don't even remember what it was like to not be in love with you. You're my first thought when I wake up, and my last thought before I sleep. You are kind, generous, and have a beauty that is not just physical, but shines from your very soul. I want to grow old with you." He grinned. "I want to be the one you're cursing as you give birth to our children." She laughed at that. "I want to declare before God, our families, friends, and anyone that will listen that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, Addison Forbes Montgomery, will you marry me?" _

_Addison gave him a dazzling smile, even as tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Yes, Derek Matthew Shepherd, I will marry you."_

_Derek's face broke into a huge grin and he slipped the ring on her finger. Then he jumped up, grabbed her in his arms, and spun her around, whooping and laughing. Once she was back on her feet, he pushed her hair back behind her ears and cradled her face in his hands. They both leaned in at the same time and the kiss they shared was once of the sweetest, most exquisite and sensual kisses of their entire relationship. They didn't even notice the applause of the crowd that had gathered, as far as they were concerned they were the only two people in the world at that moment._

_When they finally pulled apart, they gazed into each other's eyes. "I love you," Addison breathed._

"_And I love you, forever and always." Derek whispered back. _

The beeping of her pager brought Addison back to the present. She set the ring aside, and rushed off to start her day.

* * *

Three successful surgeries later, Addison was back in her office in much the same position as before, staring at the ring. Her trance was broken with the ringing of her office phone. "Addison Montgomery."

"Hello, Addie dear."

"Hi, Mom."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Addison."

"Mom, I'm fine really, I'm just tired."

"Did something happen today?"

Addison's gaze ticked towards the jewelry box. She flipped it closed and tossed it into her purse. "No."

"You sound down, so I tell you what. How about I make your favorite dinner tonight?"

"Would you be referring to your vegetarian lasagna?"

"I would indeed, and for dessert: tiramisu."

"Have I told you that I love you lately?"

Gwen laughed, "I can never hear it enough. So listen, why don't you pick up a bottle of wine and be here by 7:00."

"Deal."

* * *

Addison arrived home at seven o'clock sharp, a bottle of Merlot in hand. She opened the door and was instantly hit with the aroma of Gwen's mouthwatering lasagna. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, so she didn't notice the dimming of the lights. "Mom?" she called as she walked back towards the dining room. "Hello?" _Why is it so dark in here? _"Mom? Anybody here?"

"Behind you." replied a low voice.

Addison spun around to find Derek walking toward her carrying the lasagna to the table, which was already set with a Caesar salad, fresh garlic bread, and lit by candlelight. As he walked past she noticed his attire. He was dressed like her Derek, in khakis and an indigo button-up, and in his wake she caught a whiff of the cologne she had given him on their last anniversary. As he set the platter on the table, he turned to face her with _his _smile, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Um, where's mom?"

"She suddenly remembered some friends that have moved out here, and she decided to spend the evening with them," he said easily as he moved to help her out of her jacket.

Addison turned to him with narrowed eyes, "She suddenly remembered? After going through all the trouble of fixing this meal?"

Derek smiled at her, "Yes, she felt bad about leaving you like that, so she suggested that I join you. Wasn't that nice of her?"

"Extremely kind," came the reply.

"Shall we eat?" Derek asked, gallantly holding her chair out for her.

"Of course," she stated, sitting down.

"You look gorgeous," he whispered in her ear.

Addison had to suppress a shiver, "You don't look so bad yourself," she smirked.

"What can I say, you bring out the best in me."

Addison just raised an eyebrow at that, and watched as he opened the bottle of wine and poured a glass for each of them. He sat down, raised his glass and looked at her, "How about a toast?"

"A toast? To what?" she inquired, but raised her glass just the same.

"Let's say, to new beginnings."

She gave him a look, but allowed her glass to clink with his in the candlelight.

"How was work?"

"Fine."

"Anything interesting happen today?"

Addison cleared her throat and looked down at her plate, "Nothing that comes to mind."

Now it was Derek's turn to raise an eyebrow. _She really is a terrible liar. Something obviously happened today. Maybe she lost a patient. I'll investigate more later. For now, let's just keep her talking._ "So did you hear about the new Russell Crowe film that's coming out…"

An hour and a half later, they had finished dinner, dessert, and a bottle of wine. They had slipped into old habits and had talked and laughed through most of dinner. Addison had really relaxed about halfway through the bottle, and was now sitting with her head propped up in her palm, licking the last bit of tiramisu from her fingers. Derek sat leaned back in his chair watching every flick of her tongue through heavy lids. He knew from personal experience just what that tongue of hers was capable of, and the thought made him squirm in his seat. _Remember you're taking things slow_. Derek cleared his throat to get her attention. "If you aren't too tired; I rented some movies."

"Oh, yeah? What'd you get?"

He grinned as he extended a hand to help her up from the table, "Well, for starters I got _Gladiator_.

"Good choice," she smirked, "What else?"

"One of your favorites," he hinted as he bid her to sit down in the den, "A classic." He handed her the case after he popped the DVD into the player.

"_Some like it Hot_! I love this one!" She paused, "I suppose I should be thankful you didn't get _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_," she quipped.

"Yeah, I thought that might be in poor taste," he replied easily.

"A wise decision."

They began watching the film in a very proper manner, Derek at one end of the couch and Addison at the other. However at some point during the movie they had shifted so that Addison now lay cradled in Derek's arms, her back against his chest, his steady breathing confirming the fact that he had fallen asleep. _He never makes it through these movies. _She heard her cell beep, indicating the receipt of a text message. As she stretched to grab her purse from the end table, she felt Derek's arms tighten around her. She flipped open the phone to read a text from Robin: Made your choice yet? Addie sighed, closed the phone and returned it to her purse, which slipped from her grip and spilled its contents on the floor, including the deep blue ring box. Addison picked up the box and opened it, gazing at the ring. _This ring symbolizes a drama-free life with a drama-free man, who I know will never hurt me and will do everything in his power to make me happy. Or, I could have a passion-filled life with a man who can give me both inconceivable happiness and excruciating pain; the man who hurt me deeper and in more ways than I could have ever imagined._ Addison's gaze switched between the ring and Derek's face, before settling once more on the TV screen in time for the final line of the movie.

"Well, nobody's perfect."

_You can say that again_.

* * *

Alrighty, another chapter put to bed. I was slightly under the influence when I wrote this so if you don't like it, I blame Jack. If you do like it, it was all me. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. 


	9. Rides and Flights

Okay, so it's been quite awhile since I last updated. The bad news is I have no excuse, besides studying my ass off. The good news is that this chapter is extra long to make up for it. I like to think of it as a belated b-day present to myself (One day off, close enough.) So, a warning for this chapter, if you didn't notice, the rating took a leap. Otherwise, enjoy!

Disclaimer: As usual I own nothing! Characters are property of Shonda and Co and ABC.

* * *

Addison sat looking out the picture window of her 10th floor office. She really had a beautiful view, which on most days was quite calming. Today, however, it was not doing the trick. She sighed as she turned back to her desk and the ring box sitting upon it. She pushed it to the side as she stared once more at her schedule. She originally had three surgeries scheduled for today. They would have kept her nice and busy, with no time to think about her screwed up love life. As it happens two of her patients delivered overnight and the third was not currently stable enough for surgery. She had already returned all her calls, written all her notes, and performed the 2 consults she had scheduled and it was only 10:00. She had absolutely nothing to do.

Addie groaned and rested her head on her desk. After a few minutes she began to feel that all too familiar tingle…her "Shepherd sense."

"You know, I'm not sure it makes the best impression for the future chief of surgery to be taking a nap mid-morning."

Addison barely lifted her head from the desk, she looked toward her doorway, and saw his Timberlands, which lead to long, lean legs encased in dark wash jeans, a green button-up open at the collar to reveal a white undershirt underneath, arms crossed over his chest, his ever present smirk, and his blue eyes sparkling with mischief and something else that she couldn't quite place, but seemed so familiar. She ignored the fluttering or her stomach and instead raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing here?"

He smiled and pushed himself off the door frame, "I came to see you."

"I can see that, the question is, why?"

"I'm here to kidnap you."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm...here…to…kidnap you," he said very slowly.

Addison sat up and began straightening her desk. "Well, as lovely as that sounds, I'm afraid I don't have time to be "kidnapped" today. I am a very busy woman after all. I have several surgeries scheduled as well as two meetings later in the afternoon…" she trailed off as she noticed him looking at her with his smirk firmly in place. "What?"

"I already spoke with your secretary, who's quite friendly by the way," he grinned as he moved closer, "so I know for a fact, that you have absolutely nothing to do today." He walked around behind her desk, "And knowing you the way that I do, I know that you are going absolutely mental just sitting here." He turned her chair around and leaned down, resting his hands against the arm rests and brought his face inches from hers (Addison felt herself struck with the strongest sense of déjà vu), "Which means that you are free to spend the day with me", he finished looking deep into her eyes.

Addison was finding it rather hard to think clearly with him being this close. "And what exactly do you propose we do all day?"

His gaze dropped slowly down her body and back up to her eyes. He tilted his head as his eyes darkened, "I can think of several possibilities."

Addison felt her pulse quicken but she held his gaze, "You are such a pig."

"Am I?" He leaned forward so that now she could feel his breath against her lips. "I was just thinking about the other night when we were so rudely interrupted by your pager. I don't think we'd have that problem now," he whispered against her lips.

"No, we wouldn't," she whispered back, her eyelids slipping closed in anticipation of his kiss.

He smiled as he looked at her, eyes closed, breath slightly uneven, lips begging to be kissed, but as he leaned in he remembered his vow to take things slow. Instead, he lightly stroked her cheek, and said brightly, "But then, we'd be late for our appointment."

"Huh?" she said intelligently. "What appointment?" _And why didn't he kiss me?_

He winks at her, "You'll see when we get there. Here," he tossed a bag at her. "You'll want to change."

* * *

Addison fidgeted nervously as she sat next to Derek in the Range Rover. She sighed and looked out the window. They were outside of LA, past the suburbs, and into a more rural area. "So, what are you taking me somewhere to kill me, and bury my body where it won't be found?" 

Derek glanced over at her, "Tempting, but no. I have something else in mind. I think you'll enjoy it."

"What is it?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"Because I want it to be a surprise."

"But I'll enjoy it?"

"I think so. You used to, you used to love it."

"So it's something I've done before?"

"Yes, and that is the only hint you're getting. Well, that and the clothes."

Addison glanced down at her outfit; it was as casual as she got: jeans and a nice polo. A quick look in the backseat showed a shopping bag, and what looked like carrots peeking out the top. "What's in the…"

"Nope. No more hints, Addie. Why don't you just enjoy the ride? Let the music relax you."

"How am I supposed to relax when you have the Clash blaring through the speakers?"

"Oh, you know you love it."

Addison rolled her eyes and turned back toward the window, though he could still see the reflection of her smile in the glass.

* * *

"Addison? Addie, sweetheart, wake up. Adds, we're here." Derek said, gently shaking her awake. 

Addison cracked her eyes and stretched in her seat. "And where exactly is here?"

"See for yourself."

Addison slid out of the car and looked around, and then she saw the sign: Paradise Stables. Her eyes grew wide and her smile even wider. She looked over at Derek, who was watching her, with a huge grin on his face. She ran over to him and gave him a great big hug, "This is a great surprise, thank you!" She leaned over to kiss him on his cheek, but he shifted so she hit his lips instead. The kiss that was supposed to be a quick peck morphed into one of passion and longing, ended only by the clearing of a throat behind them.

"Ahem. Erm, excuse me? Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd?" drawled a southern voice.

The two in question broke apart, and Derek moved to shake the man's hand. "Yes, I'm Derek Shepherd and this is Addison. Are you Mr. Wilson?"

"Tom, please. If you two will come this way, I'll show you around…"

As they began to walk off, Addison couldn't help staring at Derek. _He hadn't corrected him when he assumed we were married. Why? More importantly why don't I mind? And why did I get this tingle of happiness?_ Addison shook off her thoughts when she noticed both men staring at her. "I'm sorry, what?"

Derek smirked, "He asked if you had a horse preference."

Addison looked around and noticed that they had reached the stables, and she was surrounded by the gorgeous animals. As she glanced around she heard a loud neigh from the corner. The source of the sound was a sleek black stallion, with pride and intelligence shining in his eyes. "He's gorgeous," she breathed, "What's his name?"

"Him? Oh, he's a little spitfire that one. Name's Satan." Tom replied.

Derek nearly choked on his laughter, "How fitting," he managed to sputter out.

Addison cut her eyes at him as she grabbed one of the carrots from the bag and cautiously approached the horse. "Well, hello handsome," she cooed. She held out the carrot, "What do you say, wanna go for a ride?" The horse walked over to the gate immediately, allowing Addison to stroke his muzzle and feed him the carrot. "That's a good boy," she murmured.

The owner stood watching, dumbfounded. "I've never seen him warm up to a person that fast."

Derek snorted as he searched for a suitable horse, "What red-blooded male could resist an offer like that?"

Thirty minutes later, the two were saddled up and ready to ride. Addison laughed as she saw Derek walk up with his snow white horse. "Man, you really can't let go of that knight in shining armor image can you?"

Derek chuckled, "What? I thought he went great with my eyes."

Addison giggled, "Well, come on pretty boy, let's see if you remember how to ride."

Derek cocked an eyebrow, "Well, I can think of a much better way to show you."

A seductive smile slid on her face as she looked him up and down, "Well if you can catch me, I may let you." With that she dug her heels in the side of her horse and took off down the trail.

"Cheater!" he yelled after her. Her laughter floated back to him. He hopped up on the horse and leaned down to whisper in his ear, "You help me catch her, and I'll buy you a five-pound bag of sugar." The horse began to trot, "Fine, make it 10 pounds." The horse raced forward. "There we go."

Two hours later found the two lounging in a clearing eating the lunch Gwen had packed while the horses grazed nearby. "Mmm," Addison moaned as she bit into another fresh baked chocolate chip cookie, "I swear if it were possible I would marry your mother for her cooking."

Derek laughed as he held up a carrot to the horses and took a bite of his turkey and Swiss. Addison studied him for a moment. "Derek, what are you doing?"

He stopped mid-chew, "Um, eating?"

"No, I mean, what are you doing here? With me?"

He swallowed and sat his sandwich down. "I told you, I'm here because I miss you, I love you, and I want us to be together again."

"So, you've said but why? Why the sudden change?"

"I'm not exactly sure it's sudden. Even with everything that happened, I still loved you. I just wouldn't let myself admit it."

"And now?"

"Now, I realize I don't want to settle; I once had the best and I want that again." He moved closer to her and took her hand. "I love you. I want a life with you. I want children with you." He gently cupped her cheek in his hand, and looked into her eyes. "I want you to be my wife again."

Addison jumped up and ran her hands through her hair, "Whoa! Derek, what the hell? Are you crazy? We're not even together!!! I'm seeing someone and you…You just left your mistress at the altar!"

"Well, I didn't mean right now, but someday…And technically she left me."

"Derek-"

"Addie," he said coming to stand in front of her, "All I'm asking for is a chance. Let me prove to you that I can be the man you need and want." He stepped closer, so that there was less than an inch of space between them, and looked deep into her eyes. "Let me prove it to you." he whispered.

The blaring of a cell phone broke the moment. Addison blinked and stepped around Derek looking for the phone. She picked it up and answered. She listened to the voice on the other end of the phone, "What…How…Oh, no…No, I understand. Did you already book your flight?...Okay…Yeah, we're on our way back now. Don't leave before I get there. Okay…Alright, see you in a few." Addison flipped the phone shut and turned to Derek. "Kathleen broke her arm, so Mom is flying back to help her with the kids."

"How did she break her arm?"

"Not exactly sure, but it had something to do with Bill, the bed, and an experiment."

Derek grimaced, "I'm sorry I asked."

Addison started packing up the remains of the picnic. "Come on, let's hurry. I don't want to miss her."

"Addison, what about-"

"We'll discuss it later, right now let's just get back to the city." She said without looking at him.

"Fine," he sighed.

* * *

The ride back was quiet, but the silence was not one of tension, but rather contemplation. Addison was trying to absorb all that he had said, and Derek was wondering what her decision would be. They were soon pulling up in front of Addison's house, just as Gwen was coming out of it. "You two are just in time, I was afraid that I was going to miss you." Gwen said while fussing with her purse. 

"You know I couldn't let you leave without a proper goodbye. I can't believe you called a car, I would have been happy to take you to the airport," Addison scolded.

"I know, but I didn't want to be a bother."

"Mom, you could never be a bother," Addison said giving Gwen a great hug.

"Oh, my little Addison," Gwen smiled, smoothing her hair. "Just follow your heart, sweetheart, it won't lead you wrong," she whispered in her ear. She pulled back and placed a kiss on her forehead. "If you need me, I'm only a phone call or plane ride away, okay?"

Addison nodded and blinked watery eyes, "I'll miss you."

"Oh, sweetie, don't cry. You'll make me cry and this mascara isn't waterproof."

Addison laughed, and both women turned at the clearing of a throat behind them. Derek stood behind them with a pout on his face. "Aren't you forgetting about your favorite son?"

"Only because you're my only son," Gwen quipped, while wrapping him in a hug. She whispered in his ear, "Remember, just follow her lead. Let her set the pace." Derek nodded as they pulled apart. "Love ya, Mom."

"I love you too, both of you."

"Call when you get in." Addison said as they moved toward the car.

"I will," Gwen said as she got in. "Be good you two."

"Yes, ma'am." they chorused.

She smirked at them as she got in, and waved as the car pulled off.

Addison watched until the taillights faded into the night before turning and going inside. She fixed a martini for herself and a scotch for Derek, who had come to stand behind her.

"Addie-"

"Sit down, Derek."

He took his drink and sat.

Addison picked up her purse and sat beside him. She took a sip of her drink, a deep breath, and looked him in the eye. "I've moved on Derek." His eyes immediately dropped to his drink, and he downed half its contents. She continued, "I have a beautiful home, a terrific job where I'm guaranteed to be the next COS, and a man who loves me. Perhaps, more importantly he's in love with me." She reached in her purse and removed the Tiffany's box. "And he wants to marry me." She opened the box and set it on the table in front of them. "He also has great taste in jewelry."

Derek downed the rest of the glass, "Congratulations." He stood and walked over to the bar for a refill.

"You'll notice I'm not wearing the ring."

He took another gulp before asking, "Why not?"

"Because I haven't said yes, yet."

"Yet? So, you intend to say yes?"

"I don't know. That depends."

"On what?"

"On you." He looked up at that. She sighed and took a large gulp of her martini. She looked up and met his eyes. "I'm still in love with you. As much as I try to deny it and put it out of my head, I am. I am trying to be happy, to act like I don't have a gaping hole in my soul, that only you can fill."

He moved and sat next to her again, taking her hand. "Addison-"

"No, Derek, no." She snatched her hand back. "I can't do this again. I can't get hurt again. I can't-"

"Addie, look at me." He placed his hands on either side of her face. "I love you and I'm not going to hurt you again. I will never leave you. I vow to be by your side until the day I die."

Addison looked at him with tear-filled eyes, "I've heard that vow before."

"Give me another chance, Addie, please."

She searched his eyes for what felt like an eternity to Derek, before finally nodding. "One more chance," she whispered.

A wide grin split his face. "Thank you." He kissed her forehead. "Thank you," he kissed one cheek. "Thank you," he kissed the other cheek. "Thank you," he brushed over her lips once, twice, three times before deepening the kiss. Addison responded immediately, threading her fingers through his hair and parting her lips to allow his tongue entry.

As their tongues dueled in her mouth, one of Derek's hands left her face to travel down her side to her hip. Addison in turn reached down and grabbed a handful of Derek's shirt, yanking it over his head. As the shirt passed their faces she glued her lips back to his, softly moaning as his hand at her hip traveled slowly up to cup her breast. He began to gently massage her through her shirt, causing her to squirm. He leaned back and pulled the shirt off, tossing it over his shoulder. He gazed heatedly at her breasts encased in red lace, and she felt her nipples harden. He reached up and cupped her breasts with his hands, as he leaned forward to capture her lips with his. He continued to massage them as he trailed his kisses down her neck and to the spot behind her ear that made her weak. As he sucked the spot, he gently squeezed her nipple sending a jolt of electricity straight between her legs, and causing her to moan loudly into his mouth. He smirked and continued to drop kisses down her neck and across her collarbone, continuing to the swell of her breasts. He licked each side and blew cold air over it causing her to shiver. He kissed the valley between her breasts and continued his journey down, his tongue swirling in her navel and stopping above her jeans. His fingers danced along the waistband, knowing she was especially ticklish there. After her laughter subsided, he looked up into her eyes, "Are you sure Addie?" At her nod, he stood up and lifted her into his arms, "Then we're taking this upstairs," he stated over her giggles.

Once safely in her bedroom, Derek gently laid her on the bed, before covering her body with his. He returned his lips to hers, his hands diving in her hair as hers stroked up and down his back. His hands deftly popped the button on her jeans, and a hand slid inside, eliciting a soft moan. He then moved down her body, dragging the pants with him. He began to make his way back up her legs, dropping kisses on the inside of her thighs inching closer and closer to her center. She began to shiver as he traced his fingers along the edge of her panties, teasing her. He kissed her through her panties and she felt another jolt through her body. He slowly removed her underwear and began to stroke her sensitive flesh. She bit her lip and tossed her head back on the bed allowing herself to get lost in the sensations. She felt his breath against her an instant before she felt his tongue. She cried out and arched her back, unconsciously pushing herself further into him. Addison could feel herself getting closer, "Derek," she breathed. He looked up at her and smirked before changing tactics: he began to suck as hard as he could. "FUCK!!" Addison screamed, clawing at the sheets, his hair, anything she could reach, twisting her body as he stabilized her by the hips. When he finished, he crawled back up the bed and watched her as she caught her breath. Addison looked at him through hooded eyes, then rolled over and straddled him. She leaned down and kissed him while her hands worked to remove his jeans and boxers. They both used their legs to kick them off. Addison began to stroke him and watched his abs tense in response to her touch. "Addie," he hissed. She looked up and met his eyes; she understood perfectly what he wanted. She lifted her hips and sank down on him slowly, both of them moaning. Derek's hands came to rest on hips as she found her pace, slow and sweet. Soon, however, both needed more and Derek flipped them increasing the pace. Addison's eyes fluttered closed and she dug her nails into the flesh of his back, holding him as tight as possible. "I love you, Addison," he whispered in her ear. She opened her eyes and met his gaze, "I love you, Derek." Another stroke and they both let go, exploding together. Derek rolled to the side then pulled her close, "Thank you," he said kissing her shoulder. "That was just…thank you…wow…"

"Derek?" Addison mumbled from her spot on his chest.

"Yeah, Addie?"

"Go to sleep."

Derek chuckled and kissed her forehead, "Yes, dear."

The next morning Derek awakes to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He feels Addison shift against his chest and he smiles. He picks it up to press ignore when he sees Burke's number on the caller id. "Hey," he whispered, "What's up?"

"Derek, you need to come back to Seattle."

"Preston, that's not happening," he says lightly stroking Addie's hair.

"No. Derek you need to come now." Burke sighs, "It's the Chief, he's been admitted."

Derek's hand stilled. "What happened?"

"The tumor…It's back."

Derek sighed, "Preston, I…"

"Derek. He's asking for you."

"Okay, I'm on my way." Derek hung up the phone, and looked down at Addie. He brushed her hair from her face pressed a kiss to her brow. He slid out of bed and got dressed. He returned to the bed and gently shook Addie to wake her. She mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, pulling the covers over her head. He laughed and kissed the pouf of red hair sticking out. "Alright, baby, you sleep. I'll call you."

He grabbed his bags and got ready to walk out, when he was struck with a feeling of foreboding. He grabbed a piece of stationary off her desk and wrote a quick note.

_Addie-_

_Had to go back to Seattle. Richard's tumor is back. Come out as soon as you can, I'll call you when I get there._

_I love you,_

_-D_

_(P.S. I really enjoyed last night, looking forward to more.)_

He placed it on the pillow where she would be sure to see it, and kissed her again. Then with one last look, he left. Addison shifted in bed and jostled the pillow, causing the note to float through the crevice between the mattress and the headboard to the floor behind the bed.

* * *

So, there you have it, my first real attempt at writing squee. If you hated it, my only request is that you relay the message nicely. But, either way please review!! 


	10. The Morning After

Okay, so I'm really bad at updating, but it was less than a month this time!! Truth is I was a few chapters ahead, then decided I didn't like where it was going so I trashed it, and did something new. I'm on an easier rotation so I should be able to update more regularly. I changed the format a bit by adding a song, so if you have "I Wish I Wasn't" by Heather Headley, I highly recommend playing it. If not, check it out on youtube.

Thank you to crazy-chica6, McWriterx3, KittyLikesToScratch, Cowboys-and-Coffee, addie4ever, TeamAddek, Addekluvrrr, esnad, and elevatorGod for the great reviews!!

Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing. I'm simply a poor student.

"_Derek Matthew Shepherd!! Get down here this instant!" Addison yelled up the stairs._

"_What? I'm right here." Derek came up behind her. _

"_Oh, sorry not you. I was calling D.J."_

"_What happened?"_

"_You'll see," she took a deep breath to give another yell, when her son appeared at the top of the stairs. At five years old he was already a heartbreaker. He had her fire-red hair, but everything else was pure Derek, from his eyes to his smile. _

"_Yes, Mommy?" he said innocently. _

_She crooked her finger at him. "Could you come down here for a second, please?" He walked slowly down the stairs and stood next to Addison looking up at her expectantly. Addison extended her hand to him, "I'd like to show you something." They walked around the corner to the dining room and stood in front of a wall, which while white that morning had mysteriously sprouted colors. They stood before the wall silently. "So, what do you think?" D.J. shrugged. "Any ideas how it got there?" He shook his head. "Well, that's very interesting, because those handprints look very familiar." He looked down at his feet, suddenly finding his shoes quite fascinating. "And they look too small to be mine or Daddy's."_

"_Do you have anything to say?" Derek asked._

_D.J. looked up at both of his parents and gave a long sigh. "It was me."_

"_Why did you do this?" Derek inquired. _

_D.J. shrugged again. "I ran out of paper," he said, as if it were the most obvious explanation in the world._

"_When you run out of paper, you don't use the walls, you wait until we get you some more paper. Do you understand?" Addison asked._

"_Yes, Mommy. I'm sorry" he said, giving his best puppy-dog face, which looked exactly like Derek's._

_He looked so cute when he said it that Addison had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. "Well, since you like painting so much, you can help me repaint it," Derek stated._

"_Okay, Daddy."_

"_Alright, upstairs."_

_D.J. gave a long-suffering sigh, and turned to go back to his room._

_Once he was out of earshot Addison let out the laugh she had been holding in. "Oh, what are we going to do with him," she said, shaking her head. "I can only hope that this one won't be such a handful," she rubbed her five-month pregnant belly._

"_If she's anything like you, she'll be worse," Derek cracked, earning himself a slap to the chest._

"_Watch it, buddy," she smirked, walking away._

_Derek came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her growing waist. "I love you," he whispered. _

"_I love you too."_

Addison smiled in her sleep, completely lost in her dream, and snuggled further into the blankets. She shifted backwards to slip nearer to Derek's warmth. She scooted back a little a farther, then a little more, little more, and…BAM!!! She fell to the floor in a heap of sprawled limbs and bed linens. Her hands immediately went to her abdomen, but all she found was her flat stomach. She sighed and sat up, still slightly disoriented. She looked over at her suspiciously empty bed. _Where…?_ A quick look around the room confirmed that she was alone. _Maybe he's in the shower._ She stood and wrapped the sheet around herself as she went into the bathroom. Empty. She felt her pulse start to quicken. She stepped out of her bedroom and onto the landing, straining to hear some sort of noise in the house. "Derek?" Silence. _No, no, this is not happening. _Addison performed a thorough search of the house, ending in her bedroom. All of his stuff was gone; there was no trace of him in the house. There was also no note, voicemail, text, or message of any kind. If it wasn't for his scent on the sheets and the tingling between her thighs she would question whether he had ever been there at all.

Addison stood in the doorway of her room staring at the bed, images of the night before flashing through her head. Everything had been perfect; she thought she might finally get her happily ever after. She could feel the tell-tale burning at the back of her eyes as she moved toward the bed. The memories were so fresh she could still feel his hands, his lips, hear him whispering in her ear.

_I'll never leave you._

The tears began to fall freely.

_I'll never hurt you again._

She snatched all the blankets and sheets from the bed flinging them around the room, screaming out her frustration.

_I love you. _

She crumpled next to the bed as the tears starting coming faster. She curled into a ball and wrapped the sheet around herself, inhaling his cologne, and cried her heart out.

* * *

Derek walked through the halls of Seattle Grace with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. Things were finally beginning to right themselves. Addison had given him another chance and they were back together as they should be. _I'm not going to mess this up this time. Now that I have her back, I'm never going to let her go, especially not after the mind-blowing sex from last night._ His smile widened as memories from last night flooded him. He could still practically feel her hands and hear her moaning softly in his ear. 

"Where the hell have you been and why are you grinning like the Cheshire cat?"

He turned to see The Nazi giving him one of her patented glares, standing with a hand on her hip. "Did you miss me Dr. Bailey?"

"Actually, it's amazing what we get done around here without you and all your foolishness."

Derek chuckled as he accepted the chart she handed him, but quickly sobered as he read through the notes. This would definitely be a challenge. "How's he doing?"

"He's trying to hold it together. Adele's in there with him. She hasn't left his side since he was admitted. I don't even know if she's eaten."

Derek nodded and sighed. "Who's the resident," he asked while flipped through the chart. He came to the resident's note and stopped when he read the name. He looked back up at Bailey.

She shrugged. "He asked for her."

There on the resident's note was the name Meredith Grey.

* * *

Addison took deep breaths to calm herself as her tears finally started to slow. She reached up and grabbed the phone off of her nightstand and dialed a number. 

"Hello."

"Ro."

"Hey, Addie. What's up?"

"I slept with Derek."

A beat. "Yeah, right. Nice try, Addie, but you already got me with that one, remember?"

"Ro," Addison repeated, her voice cracking.

Robin's tone changed instantly. "I'm on my way."

Fifteen minutes later, Robin pulled up in front of her house equipped with a box of Krispy Kremes and two venti hot chocolates with extra whipped cream.

A disheveled Addison opened the door.

"You look like shit." Addison pulled her robe tighter around her. "I come bearing juju. Now let's go sit down and you can tell me what happened. In excruciating detail."

Addison accepted the cocoa and led the way to the den, where she promptly plopped down on the couch. Robin sat in the overstuffed chair opposite her. "Alright, spill."

Addison took a deep breath and relayed the events of the past few days, all the while staring at anything other than her friend. Robin quietly listened, nodding in the appropriate places.

"So, Gwen left and you two just jumped each other?"

"No, we…we talked and he said all the right things and asked me to give him another chance, and I agreed. Then we kissed and he proceeded to give me mind-altering orgasms."

"Orgasms? As in plural?"

"Yes."

"Wow. So, then what?"

"I fell asleep in his arms."

"And?"

"And I woke up alone on my bedroom floor."

"And?"

"And…that's it."

"Okay, but he at least left a note or something, right?" Addison just stared at her. "Not even a post-it?"

"You watch too much Sex and the City," Addison smirked.

"Well it at least got you to crack a smile. So, what's the game plan? Want me to put a hit out on him? I know people, I can make it happen."

"Tempting, but no." Addison sighed. "I just…I feel like an idiot. All he does is hurt me, but I let him in every time. I know his track record, I know what he does, how he operates, but I keep doing the same thing thinking that it'll have a different outcome."

"Isn't that the definition of delusional?"

"Thanks, Ro."

"Or is it psychosis?" she said thoughtfully.

"Robin seriously, you're great at this pep talk thing." Addison stated, sarcastic as hell.

"Oh, sorry Addie," she said sheepishly.

Addison sighed and put her head in her hands. "I hate him."

* * *

Derek was currently examining Richard, who was certainly not at his best. Derek was doing his best to keep his emotions in check, but seeing his mentor in such a weakened state was hard to accept. Just a few days ago, he was at his near-wedding laughing and joking and now he was barely able to lift his head from his bed. Derek looked up and locked eyes with Adele. She nodded in understanding. Derek looked back down at the bed, "Chief," he began. 

"I already know what you're going to say, Shep," he said, sighing heavily.

"Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I don't know. I guess I thought I could work through it."

Derek studied the older man carefully, "How long have you been having symptoms?"

The chief avoided eye contact, "Not that long."

"Richard."

"Fine, six months."

"SIX MONT-" Adele interrupted, but stopped when Derek held up his hand. He rubbed his hand across his face and through his hair. "Okay, this is the plan. I'm going to order a repeat MRI and see where we are now. Once we know the status, I will give you free reign, Adele." He patted Richard's hand, as his pager went off. "Hang in there, I'll be back soon."

Derek walked from the room checking his pager, and ran straight into another body, knocking them to the ground. He looked up to see Meredith sprawled on the floor before him. He reached down to help her up, "Sorry, Mer. I didn't see you. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, fine," she said brushing herself off. They stood in awkward silence for a moment. It was the first time they'd seen each other since he broke it off, neither was really sure how to act. "Um, how are you?"

"I'm good. You, uh, you look like you got some sun." Actually she looked more like a boiled lobster.

"Yeah, I decided to go to Aruba anyway, and I kind of fell asleep in the sun."

"Oh." Another uncomfortable silence. "Well, I need to answer this page so…" he turned to leave.

"I didn't go alone, you know."

Derek stopped and dropped his head, "Oh?" he said turning back around.

"Yea," she smirked, placing a hand on her hip. "I had good company, the kind that makes my back arch and my toes curl," she said stepping closer to him.

"Well," he said side-stepping her with a smile, "It's good to know that you've moved on too. That'll make us working together a lot easier. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really have to answer this page." With that he walked off down the hall.

Meredith stood watching his retreating figure. "Shit," she muttered, before turning on her heel and storming away.

* * *

Addison and Robin sat in silence, having already finished their juju. "You know, by now I should be used to putting myself back together after Derek breaks me. But now, I don't even have my manwhore to fall back on." 

"Mmm, how is Mark? Ooh, he was always _up_ for a good time." Robin asked, reclining on the couch.

"Oh, eww. He's good. He and Callie are expecting their second."

"Damn, when did he get married?"

"Two years ago. How ironic is it that my dirty mistress is married with kids and I'm alone?" She stood and walked over to the bar, "I need a drink," she said pouring herself a scotch. She felt the liquid burn down her throat, and the tears run down her face.

"Oh, Addie," Robin said, getting up to pull her friend into a hug. "Maybe-maybe there's a mistake. Or something could have happened. There could have been an accident. Hey, he could be lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere."

Addison laughed through her tears, "Rarely have I heard that used as a positive." She wiped away her tears. "Argh, I hate him for making me feel like this! Hate him! Hate. HATE!!" She slammed her fist against the bar.

Robin poured herself a martini, "I'll drink to that."

* * *

Derek stood and stretched. He had been going non-stop since he arrived at the hospital. He hadn't even had a chance to call Addie yet. As he pulled out his phone, it struck him as odd that she hadn't called him. He knew she had the day off, because they were planning to spend it in bed together. _It's really not like her to not call. She would have at least got in touch with Adele since she knows that Richard is sick. Actually, being who she is, Addison would have been here by now._ Derek began to get a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Something's wrong. _He started to have chest pain. _Oh, something's wrong._ He quickly flipped open the phone to dial Addison's number. Right as he hit send, Meredith came rushing into the room. "Derek, you have to come now. The chief started seizing and he's blown his left pupil. He's now unresponsive!" 

Derek slapped the phone closed and ran from the room, "Get an OR, now! I don't care who you have to bump, get one now!" He pulled up short as he spotted the Nazi, "Dr. Bailey, I need you to do me a favor."

* * *

Addison sat in a drunken stupor, looking back and forth between the Tiffany's box and her wedding album. Robin had long since passed out from the alcohol. So Addison was left alone with her rebellious thoughts and her cds. But out of her diverse collection she had had the same song on repeat for the past two hours. 

I'm home alone again  
And you're out hangin' with your friends  
So you say  
Somehow I know it's not quite that way  
It's getting pretty late  
And you haven't checked on me all day  
When I called, you didn't answer  
Now I'm feelin' like your ignorin' me  
I wish that you were home  
holdin' me tight in your arms and I wish  
I could go back  
To the day before we met  
And skip my regret

She had been staring at the phone all day, willing it to ring. The longer it stayed silent the more upset she became.

(CHORUS)  
I wish I wasn't  
In love with you  
So you couldn't hurt me  
It just ain't fair  
The way you treat me  
No you don't deserve me  
Wasted my time  
Thinkin' bout you  
And you ain't never gon change  
I wish I wasn't  
In love with you  
So I wouldn't feel this way

_My life would be so much easier if I could just let him go. I never have this kind of pain with Jake. I didn't even have this with Mark. I had extreme guilt, yes, but not this. _

When you touch me my heart melts  
Anything you did wrong I forgave, yeah  
So you play me  
And take advantage  
Of the love  
That I feel for you  
Why you wanna hurt me so bad  
I believed in you  
That's why I'm so mad  
Now I'm drownin' in disappointment  
And its hard for me to even look at you  
I wish that you were home(oh yes I do)  
holdin' me tight in your arms(ooh baby)  
and I wish I could go back  
To the day before we met  
And skip my regret

She leaned her head back against the leather, and continued to nurse her drink. _It's funny how a song can match your situation perfectly. Why is it that with everything he's done to me my body still craves him? Why do I want him to walk through that door?_

_Simple._

_Because you love him. _

She drained the glass.

You said you cared about me  
But from what I see  
I ain't feelin' that  
So I disagree  
Gave you all my love  
And understanding  
And you treated me  
Like your enemy  
So leave me alone  
don't want nothin from ya  
Just go back where you came from  
This house is no longer your home  
You're not welcome no no no more  
No (oo oo oo) more

Her cell began to ring and Addison stared at the device blankly. Seattle Grace flashed across the called id. She slowly reached over and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Addison?"

::sigh:: "Hey, Miranda. What's up?"

"I, uh, Addison you need to get to Seattle as soon as possible."

_Bailey is hesitating, why-why is she hesitating?_ "What?! What's wrong?" _Please, don't let it be Derek; please don't let it be Derek._

"It's the Chief, he, um…You-you should get here soon."

"I'll be on the next flight."

* * *

So, there we are. As usual, please review!!! 


	11. Hello, Goodbye

Okay, here's an update! Shorter than my normal length, but I wanted to get it out. Well, that and the fact that I'm not in the mood to study, despite the fact that my test is Friday. To anyone who is still reading this, I give my deepest thanks!!!

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything related to GA but my DVDs and soundtracks.

"Good air in, bad air out." Addison mumbled her mantra as she sat in the back of the cab, watching the familiar Seattle landscape pass by. She fiddled with the strap of her purse in her lap, a sure sign that she was nervous. _Why am I nervous? I have nothing to be nervous about. I mean, sure I made love to--no, slept with --no, fucked my ex-husband last night, who then left without a word, and now I'm once again showing up on his home turf, but there's absolutely no reason to be nervous._ She sighed and leaned her forehead against the cool window glass. _This should be fun_. She could only hope that she would not be greeted with the same sight as her first visit to Seattle. Addison was only now beginning to sober up, and she did not wish to make a spectacle of herself by causing a scene or losing her lunch.

"Miss? We're here, miss."

Addison started and looked at the cab driver. They had arrived much faster than she had expected. She wasn't prepared to go in yet. "Oh…ok." She fumbled with her bag and handed the driver some cash. Next thing she knew she was standing in front of the entrance, taking in the building that had been the stage of the final act of her marriage. She gripped her Coach tote so tightly that her knuckles were snow white. "Good air in, bad air out." She took a big breath and walked through the doors.

Thankfully the lobby was clear. Addison walked towards the elevators and stepped inside. As the doors closed, she was bombarded by past images of silent moments that screamed with tension. With a rush she remembered feelings of guilt, inadequacy, jealousy, anger, sadness, and most of all longing. Addison was thankful when the doors finally opened on the on the surgical floor, allowing the fresh air in and easing the tightness in her chest, albeit slightly. She moved toward the nurses' station to inquire about Richard's room when she spotted an elegantly dressed woman just ahead of her. She followed the woman and leaned in against the doorjamb. "I thought I saw a fabulous looking woman walk by," she quipped.

Adele looked up with tear-filled eyes, "Oh, Addison."

Addison immediately rushed into the room and enveloped Adele in a hug. "Hey, tell me what happened."

"I don't know. We were sitting here talking, waiting for Derek to come back with the MRI results and tell us his plan, when Richard just started seizing. Then his body went rigid, and then…nothing. He just…he just went slack, his entire body relaxed and he…he wouldn't open his eyes…Addie, I can't lose him; I can't…Not now, not now…" With that she dissolved into tears.

Addison, for her part, tried to hold back her own tears. She knew the situation didn't look good, but as long as he was alive there was still hope. "I know it's hard, but he has the entire hospital looking out for him and the best neurosurgeon in the country performing the operation. He is in the best of hands. Plus Richard is strong, he's a fighter. He didn't let a little tumor stop him before, and it won't stop him now." Adele nodded, and Addison continued to rub her back as she cried.

* * *

Six hours later the two women sat much in the same position as before. Addison had ordered food, but neither woman had an appetite. Aside from the occasional updates from Bailey (and the last one was two hours ago), they had no idea how the surgery was progressing. Adele stood and resumed her pacing of the room. "It's been too long. What is taking them so long? That's a bad sign isn't it?"

Addison shook her head. "It's not a bad sign. I'm sure Derek is just being careful, he wants to ensure he has clean margins."

"Well why haven't we heard anything? Oh, if anything happens, I can't take it." She sat heavily back down on the couch.

"Adele-" Addison was cut off at the sound of the door opening. Both women turned and watched anxiously as three tired surgeons filed in. Addison examined Derek's body language to determine the outcome of the surgery. She breathed a small sigh of relief when she found exhaustion and fatigue, but not defeat, as he came to sit on the other side of Adele. Her eyes then ticked to Meredith, who stood rather close behind Derek, she noted with a sharp pang of jealousy. _Is she the reason he left without a word?_ She shook the thought from her head. _No, I'm here for Adele._ She reached over and grabbed Adele's hand as Derek relayed the events of the surgery.

As Derek went over the general details of what happened in surgery, he found that his gaze kept shifting to Addison. He was so glad that she was here, not only for Adele's sake but for his own. Just her mere presence gave him a sense of peace. He noticed her holding Adele's hand, offering her silent support. He tried to catch her eye, but each time it seemed she was focused on Adele, Bailey, or anything in the room but him. _What's going on? Why won't she look at me? Wait, I think Adele was saying something._

"-okay. Can I see him?"

"Of course," he looked down as his Blackberry went off. "Perfect timing, he's just waking up from the anesthesia." _I need to talk to Addie_. "Dr. Bailey, would you…?"

"Of course," she said, as she ushered Adele from the room.

"Addison," he called as she moved to follow them. She glanced at him and he was taken aback at what he saw in her eyes.

"I'm going to see Richard," she said curtly as she exited the room.

Derek stood rooted to the spot, analyzing what he had seen in that glimpse. In that second he had seen pain, anger, sadness, and betrayal. _What the hell happened after I left?_

In his efforts to deduce the cause of Addison's mood, he had completely forgotten that he wasn't alone in the room, until Meredith's hand on his shoulder caused him to jump a mile in the air. "Derek, we need to talk."

Derek's brow furrowed as he turned to face her. "I don't see what we have to discuss. I believe that everything has been said."

"Not everything." She stepped closer to him and looked up at him through her lashes. "I miss you," she said breathily.

"Meredith," he sighed.

"Wait, just listen." She walked over and closed the door. "We've both made mistakes, a lot of mistakes in our relationship. And you were right, I didn't let you in. I'm sorry. I should have turned to you when I needed a shoulder, when I needed help it should have been you I asked. But, I'm ready to change. I'm an open book to you now. I miss you. Derek, I love you."

"Meredith, I told you before, we're not meant to be together. I'm in love with Addison, and we're back together. Besides, didn't you just tell me that you moved on? With the guy you took to Aruba?"

"There was no guy in Aruba. I went with Izzie; I was just trying to make you jealous. And Addison didn't even look at you the entire time she was in the room, how can you be in a relationship?"

"Meredith, I'm not going to argue this with you. We didn't work out. I'm sorry, but we just don't work."

"Can you honestly say," she stepped closer to him, "that you feel nothing for me?"

He stepped back cautiously, "I care about you. But in a strictly platonic fashion."

"Well how about this?" With that she pulled him to her in a deep kiss.

* * *

Addison knocked softly on the door before she entered. She could see Adele sitting by Richard's bed, holding his hand like she would never let it go. They endured so much and yet they are still together. They were one of the few that were able to make it through. She had once thought that she and Derek would be the same way. She sighed and pushed the thought aside as Richard spotted her at the door. "Hey," she said, stepping inside.

"Addie," he smiled weakly.

"You know, if you wanted to see me, you didn't have to go through all this trouble. A phone call would have sufficed." She leaned over to give him a kiss on his forehead.

He chuckled. "It's good to see you, Addie. How have you been?"

"I'm fine. The one we're worried about here is you."

He stared at her, hard. "Addie-"

"Richard, really it's alright. You just gave me such I fright; I've been worried about you."

He nodded and decided to let the matter drop. He opened his mouth to change the subject, but ended up emitting a yawn instead.

"Oh," Addison patted his hand. "I'm going to go, you need your rest. I just had to see for myself that you were okay."

"Thank you, Addison," he said as he drifted off.

Addison looked over at Adele, who still had her eyes trained on Richard. "How about some juju?

"That sounds lovely Addison, thank you."

Addison stood and looked for her purse. _I must have left it in Richard's office_. "I'll be right back." She left the room and walked swiftly toward Richard's office. She pushed open the door without knocking and felt her heart stop at the sight before her. There were Derek and Meredith locked in a passionate embrace. She felt the bile rise in her throat even as she caught Derek's eye and saw him rip away from Meredith.

"Addison-" he began, starting for her.

She saw her purse resting on the couch and quickly snatched it up muttering, "Please, don't let me interrupt." She then turned on her heel and fled the room.

"Addison!!" Derek called chasing after her. "Addison, wait. Addie, please," he grabbed onto her arm. "Please, let me explain. It's not what it looks like."

She shrugged off his arm. "Please, don't insult my intelligence. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what that was. It didn't take you very long to go running back to her did it? I bet you couldn't wait to get out of my bed and back into hers!"

"No, Addison, no listen please. She kissed me. I didn't ask for it nor did I want it. I was pushing her away when you walked in! I swear I want you. I love you!" he insisted.

"Please, Derek, don't hand me that load of bull. You used me alright; just admit it so we can both get on with our lives!"

"What?!! I never used you!!"

"Oh, please Derek. You come to LA, you sprout all your McDreamy bullshit to prove to yourself that you still have me eating out of the palm of your hand, and then you sneak out in the middle of the fuckin' night!!! What the hell do you call it if not using me?!" she screamed.

"I didn't sneak out, I left a note."

"Derek, do I have idiot stamped across my forehead?" she asked sarcastically.

"No, I left a note. Burke called me and told me about Richard. I tried to wake you, but you protested so I just left a note on the pillow."

"Was this an imaginary note, because I did a thorough search of the house and did not locate such a note. And when I made the bed this morning there was nothing on the pillows, so what happened Derek? What did you find so repulsive that you couldn't wait till morning to get away from me?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes, but she was too proud to cry.

"I did not want to leave you and had Richard not been so critical, I wouldn't have, but I left a note!" he yelled.

"You sound like a broken record, Derek, and I don't believe you. I told you that I couldn't do this again. I told you I couldn't get hurt again. But, you begged me for another chance, and I gave it to you, only to end up looking like a fool, AGAIN! But, I can't blame you for that. I should know by now that I can't trust you. However, I should thank you. I think I finally have what I need to get over you."

"Addison," Derek said nervously, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "Addison, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you have Seattle and I have LA. I'm saying don't show up at my house or at the hospital. I'm saying don't call, don't email, don't write. I'm saying I never want to see you again. I'm saying," she paused and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm saying goodbye, Derek." With one final look into his eyes, she turned and left.

* * *

So, there you go! Don't kill me, I'm not done yet! The next update should be up this weekend, after my test. As always, please review!!! They make me want to procrastinate!  


	12. Tears and Surprises

So, perhaps I was a few hours off from my self-imposed deadline. But to be honest this is a lot better than I normally do! This is a jam-packed chapter so things move a little quickly. Thanks to those who have reviewed. Read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I in no way own anything related to Grey's Anatomy.

Addison made her way through her front door and collapsed on her couch. She felt as though she had just run a marathon and emotionally she had. She briefly wondered if she'd overreacted, but she quickly dismissed the idea. She was perfectly logical in her thinking. After getting the juju, she had gone back and cried on Adele's shoulder for an hour. The older woman had wiped away her tears and encouraged her to return home, stating that Richard would understand. Addison had reluctantly agreed. She popped in to say goodbye to Richard, but he was asleep and she didn't want to disturb his rest. Addison then caught the first flight out of Seattle.

She was considering fixing herself a very strong martini when the phone rang. With a sigh she reached over and picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey, gorgeous."

Addison inhaled deeply, "Jake, how are you?"

"I'm great. My business concluded early, so I'm back in town and looking forward to taking my girl to dinner."

"Oh, Jake that sounds lovely, but it's been a really long day. I'm not really up for a night out tonight."

"Oh, come on, Addie, it'll be fun. I have reservations to your favorite restaurant. I really want to see you."

"Well, why don't you just come over here? We can order some take-out and rent a few movies."

Jake hesitated. "Well, I have a surprise for you. I've missed you so much and I'd really like to take you out, but I guess if you really don't want to, we could do it another time."

Addison sighed, Jake had done nothing wrong and she was forcing him to pay for someone else's mistake. "No, no, it…it'll be nice to go out."

"Great," he uttered happily. "I'll pick you up at 8:00."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"I love you."

Pause. "I love you, too." As Addison replaced the handset she pondered her last statement. _Was that a lie? No, I do love him. Are you sure? Yea…I guess. Could you spend the rest of your life with him? I could. Would you be happy? I would. Should you marry him? I should. We could be happy together, have the 2.5 kids, dog, and white picket fence. We would be happy, we WILL be happy. _Addison sighed._ Who am I trying to convince?

* * *

_

Derek paced the hall outside of Richard's room. He raked his hands through his thick, wavy locks, when what he really wanted to do was yank it out by the roots. He could feel everything falling apart. Three days ago he was happy, everything was falling into place and he and Addie were on their way back to each other. Now she was once again gone, although this time it was her saying that she never wanted to see him again. _I need to go after her. But what about Richard, I just operated I can't just leave him now. _But Derek couldn't help but think that the longer he waited the less his chance of getting her back. He glanced at his watch; she had been gone four hours already. She was probably getting ready for dinner. He sighed again and continued his pacing.

"Derek," called a weak voice.

Derek turned and walked into the room. "Hey Chief, how're you feeling?"

Richard fixed him with a look. "I feel like someone's been poking around in my brain. But more to the point, why are you pacing in front of my room like a caged animal and where is Addison?"

Derek cleared his throat and shuffled nervously. "Well, after she saw you were ok, she had to go back to LA."

"What did you do to her Derek?" Richard demanded.

"Why does everyone always assume that I did something?"

"Because history has proven that is usually the case. Now what did you do?"

"Nothing!" he yelled exasperated. "I have no clue what went wrong! When I left we were happy, she was giving me another chance. Next thing I know, she's not speaking to me, she's giving me a shoulder colder than the North Pole, and she never wants to see me again." He sank into the chair next to the bed, defeated. "She told me goodbye, Richard. She has never said that to me before. I think that this time it's really over. I blew it."

Richard shifted in bed. "Okay, Shep, explain it to me. What exactly happened?"

Derek sighed, "I was talking with Meredith in your office, explaining to her that we were really over and that I was in love with Addison. She refused to accept that and kissed me. Unfortunately, Addison walked in at that moment and jumped to the wrong conclusion. I tried to explain, but she just started yelling that she should know better than to trust me and then she told me goodbye. She just…left."

Richard just stared at him for a moment. "Derek, could you hand me that magazine?"

"Sure." Derek stood and handed it to the chief.

"Thank you," Richard stated before he began smacking Derek with it.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!"

"Derek to be so intelligent, you can be rather stupid."

"What?"

"Do you love Addison?"

"Yes!! She's the love of my life."

"The love of your life?"

"Yes!"

"So you let her walk away without a fight?"

Derek was silent.

"Look Derek you have a lot of making up to do. If you want her you have to put some effort into this. Do you remember how hard you had to work to get her the first time?"

"Yeah," Derek answered, chuckling.

"Well, now you're working from a negative balance, so it will be twice as hard. And," Richard paused, "And you'll have to be prepared to accept the fact that she may not want you back. You will need to let her do what makes her happy. Understand?"

Derek nodded.

"Good. Now get out of here!"

* * *

"Thank you," Addison smiled at the gentleman who held the door open for her. She and Jake had just arrived at the restaurant and were quickly escorted to a table for four. Addison found it odd since they normally sat at their favorite table for two by the window, but simply shrugged it off.

As they settled themselves, Jake reached across the table to grab her hand. "I really missed you."

Addison forced a small smile, "I missed you, too."

"The entire time I was gone I was tortured by dreams about you."

"Were you really?" she smirked.

"Oh, yeah. Maybe later we can do some of the things I dreamed about."

"We'll see," she hedged, taking a sip of her wine.

"You know while in New York I was able to take care of some personal business as well."

"Oh? What was that?"

"Well, there were a few people that I thought it was time to meet. In fact I invited them to join us," he looked up. "Oh, here they come." He stood to get their attention.

Addison sighed and took another sip of her wine. She really was not in the mood to socialize tonight. She nearly choked as she looked up and saw who the mysterious guests were, "Mom?! Dad?!"

* * *

Derek was pretty sure that he had broken several traffic laws trying to get to the airport. And if those traffic light cameras were functional, he's pretty sure they'll be a ticket waiting for him when he gets home. He just can't shake this gnawing feeling that he needs to get to LA as soon as possible. He felt that someone up there must be looking out for him because he got the last seat on a flight leaving in ten minutes.

As soon as he landed in LA, he high-tailed it to her home only to find it pitch-black. She wasn't home. After letting out a string of R-rated words, he sat down on her steps to think for a bit. Then he wiped out his cell and after several stalkerish phone calls found out where she was dining. On his way there he stopped at a flower shop and picked up a gorgeous bouquet of orchids. As he pulled up to the valet, he took a deep breath and stepped from the car. He could only hope that he wasn't too late.

* * *

Addison was still in a state of shock staring at her parents. "Wha- What are you doing here?"

"We're happy to see you too, darling," Madeline Montgomery stated as she took her seat.

"Hello, princess," Thomas Montgomery greeted with a peck on the forehead.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I'm just a tad surprised here. I wasn't expecting you," Addison stated gripping her napkin a bit tighter.

"Well, perhaps that is due to the fact that you haven't called in three months." Madeline said coldly.

"Maddie," Thomas said warningly.

"Well, I just think that she could pick up a phone once in a while. But, it is nice to see you sweetie. Plus, I'm so glad to be here to share your special day."

"What special day?"

"Addison," Jake began getting her attention. "I did some thinking while I was in New York and I realized that my original proposal did not come out at all as I had planned." He dropped to one knee and took her hand. "So, I decided to go the more traditional route. I thought that you'd like to have your family with you as I once again asked you to spend your life with me. I want to be not only your husband and lover, but your best friend as well. I want to be the person you run to whenever you have a problem. I want to be everything to you. So, Addison Forbes Montgomery, will you marry me?

* * *

Derek stopped in his tracks as he stared into the dining room. He could see Addie's parents beaming as they looked on at Jake on one knee proposing to Addison. He stopped breathing in the moments it took for Addison to respond, and his heart pounded in his chest. When she finally nodded her assent, he felt his heart explode into a million pieces. As he watched another man embrace the love of his life, yet again, he felt this feeling of coldness come over him. He felt the numbness ascend from his feet and engulf his entire body. He took the card in the flowers and quickly scribbled a message, before turning and fleeing the scene. He barely made it to his car before his vision was clouded with tears.

* * *

Addison was embracing her parents and trying to keep smiling when she saw the maitre d approaching with a bouquet of orchids. "Jake, you shouldn't have."

"I didn't."

Confused, Addison read the card. I've always just wanted you to be happy. I will always love you, Derek.

Addison immediately dropped the flowers and ran from the restaurant. She searched for him but to no avail. He was gone.

* * *

Six Months Later

Addison heard her phone ringing as she rushed though her door. "Oh, I'm coming. Hold on I'm coming." She dropped her bag on the table and grabbed for the cordless. "Hello?"

"Hello, sweetheart."

"Hi, Mom! How are you?"

"I'm fine dear, how are you? You sound tired."

"No, I'm fine. I'm just getting back from a meeting with the wedding planner. I'd forgotten how much goes into planning a wedding. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day." Addison sighed as she flipped through her planner.

"Is Jake helping you as well?"

"He does what he can, but you know, he's still a guy so…" Addison's mind drifted as she thought of her former wedding. Derek was pretty involved and wanted to help her as much as he could. Of course, much of it was just nodding and saying, "Whatever you want, dear," but still he was there. And when she began to feel stressed and overwhelmed he was there to calm her down or distract her. His methods of distraction were memorable in themselves. A small smile formed on her face as she remembered the _really_ good times.

"-Addie? ADDISON! Can you hear me?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mom. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking if you needed anything. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Mom, really, I'm fine." _I'm fine alright. F-I-N-E. Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional._

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Gwen knew she was lying, but didn't want to push her. Especially considering the next topic she wanted to discuss. She had tried to bring it up in the last few months, but had been shut down every time. Gwen, however, was not a person who gave up easily. "Derek asked about you."

Now it was Addison's turn to pause. She found herself thinking about Derek everyday, and just the sound of his name produced an ache in her chest. Addison sank into a chair at the table with a sigh, and cradled her head in her hand. "Mom-"

"Addison, wait, before you say anything just listen for a moment. Addison, Derek is miserable without you. From what I hear he has been moping around Seattle for the last six months. He has gone from McDreamy to McDreary. Addison, he needs you. He is not himself without you."

"Mom-"

"Let me finish. This isn't just about Derek, it's about you too."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Addison can you honestly tell me that you're happy with Jake? When you look into the future and see yourself old and gray is it Jake that you see beside you?"

Addison was silent. Six months ago, Jake had asked her nearly the same question. She could no more answer it now, than she could then. Truth was she was afraid to look. Not because she was afraid of who she would see, because if she were to truly be honest with herself she knew it wouldn't be the man whose ring rested on her finger. She couldn't let herself take that look because then the foundation upon which she had built her protective walls would begin to crack, and the fortress around her heart would crumble forcing her to deal with the painful truth. No, it was much better to stay in the present, with the man who would never hurt her, who had never made her cry. Better to stay with the man who didn't make her run the emotional gamut. Jake was the safe choice and perhaps that was what her aching heart needed. Addison swiped at the moisture that had begun to track down her face. She inhaled shakily, "Mom, I'm sorry I gotta go."

"Addison-"

"No, really. I was supposed to meet Jake a half hour ago. I'll call you."

"Addison-" Gwen began again, but stopped when she sensed how close to the edge Addison was. She sighed, then continued, "I'll see you in two weeks. I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Mom." Addison's vision blurred as she pressed end on the phone. She then reached into the back of her planner and pulled out the photograph she kept hidden there. It was a picture of her and Derek, taken the day they went horseback riding. The owner had sent it to her a few weeks after their trip. Addison was in the foreground, her long red locks flowing out behind her and a huge grin on her face as she laughed at Derek trying to catch her. Her fingers delicately traced over his features, and she felt her chest contract at the look of love on his face. She closed her eyes as memories of that night and many others like it came rushing back to her. She laid her head on the table as she began to openly sob.

* * *

Addison and Robin sat on Addison's bed eating popcorn and drinking strawberry daiquiris using Twizzlers as straws. Sabrina (the original version, of course) was playing in the background. The ladies themselves were involved in hardcore Uno tournament.

"So, remind me what we are doing again." Robin asked as she put down a Draw Four.

"We are celebrating my engagement." Addison replied, placing another Draw Four on the pile.

"Well, why aren't we out a club or at least a nice restaurant?" Robin put down the third Draw Four. "Uno," she said with a grin.

"Because I wanted a quiet evening at home with my good friend. Besides, the crazy bachelorette party will occur in two weeks when Savvy and Derek's sisters get into town." Addison triumphantly placed the final Draw Four on the pile and for good measure she added a Draw two on top. "Pick 'em up!" she taunted.

"Damn, eighteen cards!" Robin mumbled. "Shut up!" she exclaimed as Addison doubled over in laughter. She started to organize the cards in her hand. "Crap," she stated as several cards slipped from her hand and though the crap between the headboard and the mattress. Robin slipped off the bed and reached under it to grab the dropped cards. She came back up with the cards and something else she wasn't expecting. "What's this?"

"What?" Addison asked.

"It looks like some kind of note." Robin paused as she read it. "Addie, I think you should read this."

Addison took the note from Robin's outstretched hand. She recognized the chicken scratch handwriting immediately. Her eyes widened as she read the note. She blinked and re-read it slowly to ensure that her mind was not playing tricks on her. She looked up and met Robin's equally wide-eyed stare.

"Well, fuck."

* * *

So, she finally found the note! How lovely right? I mean everyone is in a really good place. Addison is marrying another man and they're both miserable. The next chapter is the last. I might be persuaded into writing and epilogue if there's interest. Oh, and the UNO game is based on true story. My family is made of extremely competitive UNO players. Seriously, most non-family members won't play with us because they can't take the heat! Well, hope you enjoyed! As always, review por favor! 


	13. Confusion vs Decisions

Okay, so apparently me deciding that this was the last chapter was the signal for my muse to go on vacation and not allow me to finish. It took awhile, but I was finally able to lure her back with candy. She's such a sucker for Twizzlers.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my dvds. If I did, there would be FHBs running around Seattle by now.

Addison sat and stared at the phone. _Pick it up. Just pick it up and dial the number._ Addison rested her hand on the handset for the 13th time that night. She once again lifted it and began to dial the oh-so-familiar number. 1-206…_click_. She replaced the phone and picked up her martini instead. Her eyes ticked to the note lying next to her elbow. She still could not believe that it actually existed. Here she had physical proof that he was no longer the ass she had lived with for the last few years of her marriage. Her Derek was back. This note had broken her anger towards him. Her feelings were still all over the place, but she was left with one major emotion for him and it was the one she hesitated to name. If she gave voice to that emotion, it would mean that she had to face several issues that she was not ready to deal with. She once again picked up the phone and dialed the eleven digits. She listened to the first ring before slamming the phone down_. Dammit, get a grip woman! You are Addison Forbes Montgomery, you can make this phone call._ She once again stared at the phone. _Fuck it._ She downed her drink, picked up the phone, hit redial, took a deep breath and listened to it ring.

Derek Shepherd felt horrible. The empty bottle of scotch on the floor next to him probably had something to do with it. A certain red-head had a lot more to do with it. A red-head who one week from now was set to marry another man. The mere thought made him automatically reach for the bottle, and he groaned when he realized it was already empty. He dropped the bottle and leaned forward dropping his face into his hands. He scrubbed his hands over the week's worth of beard before running a hand through his unruly hair. This had become his daily routine: he went to work everyday and drank himself into oblivion every night. Then he would get up the next morning and repeat the cycle. He did have some variation: Sometimes he would start the party at Joe's before ending at the trailer. Other times Mark or Preston would join him, although Burke's visits had become less frequent since he was named chief after Richard's retirement. At one point that fact would have irritated him to no end, but now he just couldn't find it in him to care.

He leaned back against the end of the bed and focused his blurry eyes on the roof of the trailer. This trailer had once been his sanctuary, the focal point of his anti-Addison movement. Somewhere along the line that had changed. Even though she hadn't lived there in nearly three years, she was still imprinted on every surface, especially the bed, the tiny-but-serviceable shower stall, the dinette table, kitchen counter…He pulled himself to his feet and trudged to the bathroom to answer nature's call. As he washed his hands, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. It seemed his physical appearance reflected his emotional state. In addition to the beard, his normally sparkling blue eyes had lost their twinkle and were heavy with bags. His skin was pale and he had lost weight adding to the haggard look. The staff had taken to calling him McNightmare behind his back, and considering the sight before him he found it fitting.

He turned his head as he heard his phone begin to ring, but just as quickly as it started it stopped. He shrugged and walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen, where he opened the fridge and aimlessly stared at its contents. Once again his phone began to ring. He considered ignoring it, but in his drunken state found the ring more annoying. Besides, the only people who called the trailer phone were family and he knew from experience that if he didn't answer now, they'd keep calling until he did. With a sigh, he leaned over and picked up the offending device. "Shepherd."

Addison paused. In that one word she could feel his pain and despair.

"Hello?" he slurred.

_And he's drunk._

"Look, either speak now or I'm hanging up," he said gruffly.

_Say something, Addie!_ "It-It's me."

He paused. _It can't be…can it?_ "Addison?"

"Yeah."

He slowly sank to the floor and leaned against the cabinets. "Wow, um, hi."

"Hi."

"Uh, how've you been?"

She sighed. "I've been better."

_She sounds so sad._ "Yeah, me too." They were silent for a few minutes. "What's going on, Addie?" he asked gently.

She took a deep breath. "I, uh, I- I'm calling to-Well, I'm calling because-I mean I wanted to say-" she paused. "I found your note," she blurted out.

He gripped the phone a little tighter, "You mean the imaginary note?"

"Yeah, I found it. Or actually Robin did. It, um, it had fallen underneath the bed."

"I told you I left a note."

"Yes, you did," she paused, "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"I'm sorry you didn't believe me, too."

"Well you can't really blame me," she said defensively. "History has proven me right on numerous occasions. There were many times when you left me without a word." She paused to take a breath, "And who the hell leaves a note on a pillow anyway? A sane person would have put it on the dresser or taped it to the mirror, or even put it on the refrigerator! Some place where I would have been sure to see it," she huffed.

"I put it on the pillow, because I thought it was more romantic. I neglected to take into account how wildly you sleep; I should have known you'd knock it off the bed," he snapped back.

"Yes, you should have." Another moment of silence. Addison sighed. "I didn't call you to argue."

"Why did you call me?" he probed gently.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I wanted to apologize and I…"

"You what?"

"We-we haven't talked in over six months and I…I guess I-I missed you," she mumbled.

Those three words seemed to breathe new life into him. "I've missed you, too. Addie, I've missed you so much," he said in a rush. "I love you, Addison." The line was quiet. "Addison?" Still quiet. "Addie?" he said timidly.

"I'm getting married."

"I know."

"In one week, I'm marrying another man."

"Addison-"

"I can't have declarations of love from you when I'm marrying another man!" she yelled, her eyes beginning to fill with moisture. _He can't do this to me. I can't handle this!_

_She's about to lose it._ "Addie," he tried gently.

Addison shook her head. "No, I can't-I can't do this. Not now! We had our chance and we blew it!!" The tears began to make their way down her porcelain cheeks. "I love Jake and we're going to be happy together! I am finally going to be happy!!"

Tears began to spill from his eyes at the pain in her voice. "Addison," he said quietly, "Addison, I love you."

"NO!! STOP SAYING THAT! STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME!!" she screamed desperately into the phone.

"But I do."

"WELL, STOP!! Please," she pleaded tearfully.

He closed his eyes at that and swallowed the lump in his throat. Addison never begged, not for anything. He would gladly give her anything, do anything she asked, but this was the one thing he couldn't do. "I can't," he said hoarsely.

She sniffled. "I can't deal with this. Goodbye."

"Addison, wait!"

"What, Derek?" she asked brokenly.

"I love you Addison, always and forever."

"I love you Derek, forever and always." With that, she hung up.

Derek sat on his kitchen floor not moving a muscle. He sat there until the annoying blare of the phone finally pierced his daze. He yanked the phone from his ear and hung it up. After a few seconds of thought he came to a decision. He turned it back on and dialed a familiar number. "Cristina? Hi, it's Derek. Could I talk to Burke?" Derek tapped his fingers impatiently against his thigh as he waited for Burke to come to the phone. "Preston? Hi. Look, we need to talk…"

* * *

Addison lay on her bed going over the last minute details for the wedding in her head. _Flowers? Check. Cake? Check. Caterer? Check. Bridesmaid's dresses? Check. Wedding Dress? Double check. Groom?_

"Oh, Addison," Jake moaned as he moved above her.

Addison rolled her eyes and swallowed her sigh. _Check._ They had been at this for thirty minutes and she still wasn't feeling anything. He raised his head from where he had been sucking on her neck for the past five minutes and offered her a smile, which she returned. "I…love…you," he panted, eyes shining.

She felt a pang in her chest, which she promptly ignored. "Mmm, me too." He covered her mouth with his. _Ugh, way too much saliva. I feel like I'm drowning. _She pushed against his shoulders until he pulled back then she turned her head to the side, closing her eyes. She could feel his eyes on her so she forced a low moan. That seemed to do the trick, and he returned his head to the crook of her neck. _What is wrong with me? Why am I being so critical? You know why. Shut up, that's not the reason._

"Are you close?"

_Are you seriously asking me that question?_ "Mmm, yeah." _You're gonna have to fake it. I'm tired of faking it. I've been faking it since Derek and I- Stop, don't go there. Fine, butl you gotta go something. Well… _Addison took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She imagined another body on top of hers, one that was more lean than muscular. She pictured his hands moving down her body, caressing her breasts. She felt him kissing down her chest taking one of her nipples into his perfect mouth and sucking as only he knew how, and her back arched in response as she unconsciously moaned. She slipped a hand in between them and thought of it as his as she moved it down her taut stomach. She pictured his fingers parting the soft folds of her flesh and rubbing her, gently at first, then more insistently. She felt him moving in and out of her, increasing his pace and pressure, just like she liked it. She could practically hear him panting softly in her ear, her own breath coming in short bursts. She opened her eyes and saw twinkling blue orbs staring back at her, instead of green. She heard him whisper in her ear, "Come for me, Addie," and she did, biting hard on her lips to keep his name from tumbling out as the shockwaves rocked her body. She pressed her head into the pillows as her body automatically arched and trembled.

As she finally began to come down from her high, she felt the body move off of her and on to the side. "Wow," Jake breathed, "That was amazing."

"Yeah," she panted, giving him a slightly curious look.

"I mean, seriously, it has never been that good."

"I know," she said, turning on her side away from him.

He cuddled up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I am so glad you agreed to be my wife," he planted a wet kiss behind her ear.

She scooted a little closer to the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I need to get some sleep. I have an early surgery in the morning."

"Okay, goodnight sweetheart. I love you."

"Goodnight, Jake." She waited until she felt him fall asleep, then she slipped silently out of bed and put on her robe. She padded down to the den and poured herself a glass of scotch. She then curled up on her couch and cried herself to sleep, dreaming about a sexy neurosurgeon.

* * *

"Addison, what ever is the matter?"

"What? Oh, um, nothing." Addison replied, picking at her salad.

"Addison, we don't say, 'um'. If there is nothing wrong, then would you kindly stop frowning like that? You're going to get early wrinkles. I never frown, which is why my skin is as smooth as it was when I was thirty." Madeline Montgomery stated, briefly checking her reflection in her compact.

"Yeah, well I think Mark had a little to do with keeping your skin so smooth," Addison muttered.

Madeline snapped her compact shut and glared at her daughter. "There is nothing wrong with having a little assistance Addison." She paused and took a sip of her wine. "We don't say 'yeah' either."

"Of course not, mother." Addison rolled her eyes and reached for a roll.

Madeline eyed her daughter carefully, "I'm not sure you should be eating carbohydrates so close to the wedding." Addison looked her mother in the eye and pointedly ate a piece of bread. Madeline merely sighed and looked away. "You know, I'm only trying to help you, dear. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and I intend to see that it goes off flawlessly."

"In case you have forgotten, I have done the whole wedding thing before. I'm familiar with how it works."

"Yes, I know. Biggest mistake of your life," Madeline muttered taking another sip of her wine.

"Excuse me?" _That was definitely NOT the biggest mistake of my life._

"Addison, I knew that marriage was a mistake from the very beginning. It seems I was proven correct."

"How so?"

"Tell me, are you married now?" Madeline smirked. "I rest my case."

"The fact that a marriage ended does not make it a mistake. The method by which it ended, THAT was the biggest mistake of my life."

"I won't coddle you dear, that does rank fairly high on the list. You cheated on your husband, in your marital bed no less. I will be the first to admit that Mark is extremely attractive, but surely you could have controlled yourself until you reached at hotel or at the very least, _his_ apartment. I would have thought that the years of watching me would have taught you how to properly conduct an affair."

"Oh, yes. How is John?"

"John was getting a tad long-in-the-tooth. I am currently seeing Eric, my personal trainer. He keeps my body fit in more ways than one." Madeline replied with a smirk.

"Mother, please." Addison stated, covering her face with her hands.

"Back to my original point, I have always believed that you deserved so much more than Derek Shepherd. I will admit that he has made it farther than I ever thought he would. He is a superb surgeon, I will give him that, but as a man he leaves much to be desired."

"Moth-"

"No, Addison, I saw it firsthand. I was there when he missed birthdays, Christmases, and Thanksgivings. I watched the light dim in your eyes as he hurt you repeatedly without a second thought. I observed as you played with his nieces and nephews, and knew how much you wanted children of your own. Addison, I watched you suffer for nearly two years and it broke my heart as well as your own. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially not a child of mine, and I'll be damned if I let you sit here and contemplate going back to that man. You are a Forbes Montgomery, we learn from our mistakes, we do not repeat them."

"But I nev-"

"Please Addison, I gave birth to you. We may not have the closest relationship, but I can still tell what you are thinking."

Addison sat back in her chair stunned by her mother's tirade. "It's wasn't all his fault," she said quietly. "It took two people to ruin my marriage."

"Actually, it took four."

"Mother!" They were both quiet for a few minutes. Addison glanced at her mother and sighed. "It just…it just doesn't feel the same."

"What doesn't feel the same?"

"The way I feel about Jake, it doesn't feel like it did when I married Derek."

"I would say that is a good thing, considering how you and Derek ended."

"When I was with Derek and it was good, it felt incredible. I knew that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with, the man I wanted to be the father of my children. I loved him with everything I had-"

"And it wasn't enough." Madeline interrupted.

"No, it wasn't." Addison quietly agreed.

Madeline reached across the table to take her daughter's hand. "The problem is that the kind of love you are describing is extraordinary and the most wonderful feeling in the world, but that kind of love ends. What you and Jake have is special. It is the kind of foundation that you build a long-lasting marriage upon. After all, look at your father and me." Addison suppressed a shudder. "All your father and I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. The bottom line is this: Do you love Jake?"

Addison looked down and bit her lip before regaining eye contact with her mother. "I do, I do love Jake." Madeline smiled and released Addison's hand. "But I'm in love with Derek." Madeline looked back up at her. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

Madeline calmly took a sip of her wine and looked her daughter square in the eye. "Wait for it to pass."

* * *

So, the end! I hope you enjoyed my little story! Alright, so I'm obviously joking. This is not the last chapter; my muse made a liar out of me. It seems when she returned she brought with her a few ideas she thought of on her vacation and turned my last little chapter into a monster! I thought it best to break it up a bit, but we are in the home stretch. Plus, I couldn't have my story end on chapter 13. I'm not really superstitious but still…

I don't know about you, but I really like Madeline. I mean out of the entire story at least one person had to be for Jake right? Although I don't know if she's so much pro-Jake as she is anti-Derek.

I generally hate how my chapters turn out, but I really like this one. So I want reviews or I'm holding the rest hostage!!!


	14. Kidnappings

So, yea…it's been almost two months since I last updated. Although, I have been writing, I did the Christmas fic, which I'm choosing to mention here 'cuz it doesn't make me look as bad. The intention was to have this fic finished by New Year's and start working on the new one. And, uh…you can see how well that worked out. Life was kicking my ass. It still is, but I needed to write. So, I have a fever of 102.4, and I'm doped up on medications and hot toddies. So, if you don't like it, I blame illness.

Special thanks to Parker0891 for the boost!

Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing.

* * *

Addison sat silently on her couch; the television was blaring but she wasn't paying any attention. _I'm_ _getting married tomorrow, I should be ecstatic. But what if I'm making a mistake? Am I about to ruin my life and his?_ Addison sighed and took another sip of her drink. _This wedding is turning me into an alcoholic._ She got up to refill her drink. This was so much easier last time. 

July 1994

_ADDISON!!! _

_She groaned as she heard her name being screamed through her apartment. "That sounds like my sister," muttered her human pillow. _

"_That is your sister." she replied._

"_She's very loud."_

"_Yes, she is."_

"_Tomorrow she'll be your sister, too." At that Addison raised her head and stared into his twinkling blue eyes, returning his smile. _

"_Yes, she will."_

"_ADDISON!! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!!"_

"_Why is she yelling?"_

"_Because she's Nancy."_

"_WHERE ARE THEY?" yelled another voice._

"_I DON'T KNOW," replied a third._

"_MAYBE THEY'RE IN THE BEDROOM," a fourth voice._

"_WELL, WOULD SOMEONE CHECK?" Nancy asked._

"_NOT ME," called a fifth voice, "I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THEM TO LAST TWO LIFETIMES."_

"_OH FOR THE LOVE OF- FINE I'LL DO IT!" With that the door to the bedroom flew open and there stood Nancy, hands on her hips. "It's okay," she yelled, "they're decent." Derek's three other sisters, Kathleen, Julie, and Samantha, plus Savvy then appeared in the doorway. _

"_Oh, good you're already up." Kathleen noted._

"_Well, it's pretty hard not to be with all the yelling that was going on." Derek replied. _

"_Well, good morning to you too, little brother. What's wrong, did we interrupt your morning nooky time?"_

"_No, but you did interrupt cuddle time which has become very important to me since that's all I've gotten for the past six weeks," Derek growled._

"_Derek," Addison chided. "What are you guys doing here?"_

"_We've come to kidnap you," Savvy said cheerfully._

"_Excuse me?" Addison raised her eyebrows._

"_The bride is not allowed to see the groom, nor the groom the bride for twenty-four hours before the wedding. We are here to ensure that you two don't break the rules." Nancy replied._

"_So, pack your bags 'cuz you're being kidnapped," Julie quipped._

"_And make sure you pack something sexy for tonight," Samantha added with a smirk._

"_You're going to have a bachelorette party that'll still make you smile when you're old and senile." Kathleen said with a wink. _

_Addison laughed as she made her way to the bathroom. As soon as she was out of earshot, Derek sat up and fixed his sisters with a glare. "Alright, so where are you taking my fiancée?" _

"_What's wrong, Derek? Worried that she'll come to her senses and find someone better?" Nancy cracked._

"_No, just trying to figure out if I need to start collecting bail money."_

"_Oh, don't worry, we'll take good care of your little Addie, and we'll get her to the church on time." _

"_Thank you."_

"_Alright, I'm ready." Addison reappeared a few minutes later, fully dressed and carrying four large, bulging bags._

"_Addison, it's only for one night," Derek exclaimed. _

_  
"Derek, you know me better than that. Plus, I have to get ready for tomorrow."_

"_Alright, well, Derek make yourself useful and lug these bags to the car." Nancy instructed. _

_At the car, Addison turned to Derek before she got in. "Do you realize that the next time we see each other we'll be getting married?"_

"_I do. I can't wait, so try not to find any guys to run away with tonight, okay?" he grinned._

"_Likewise," she smirked._

"_Shut up." He brushed a few stray strands of hair out of her face before cupping her cheek. "I love you," he whispered._

"_I love you," she leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss, which he deepened almost immediately. Addison smiled against his lips as she raised her arms to run her fingers through his hair. They were startled apart by the loud beeping of the horn._

"_Hey, that's enough of that. You'll be apart for 24 hours not 24 days. Jeez," Nancy yelled out the window._

"_Alright, I'm coming, keep your panties on," Addison called back. She turned back to Derek, "See you at the altar. I'll be the one in the gorgeous dress," she winked._

"_And I'll be the guy with the huge grin."_

Addison sighed as she sat back on her couch with her refreshed drink. It was much easier the first time.

She was shaken out of her reverie by the insistent ringing of her doorbell. She set her drink down and padded to the foyer, opening her door to reveal a gaggle of smiling faces and piercing blue eyes. "Addie!!!" they cried, and she found herself consumed in a swarm of Shepherds. She smiled uncontrollably as she embraced Nancy, Kathleen, Samantha, Julie, and of course Gwen. She then bent to embrace her fourteen nieces and nephews, before turning to the men crazy enough to marry into the family.

"Come in, come in," she cried, ushering them all into the den. "It's so good to see all of you. And you guys have all gotten so big," she gushed looking at all the kids.

"And you have gotten really thin." Nancy stated bluntly.

"No, I haven't," Addison replied shrugging off the comment.

"Yes, you have." Gwen stated, eyeing her critically. "Addie, have you been eating?"

"Of course I have. I've just been under stress from the wedding, that's all."

"Stress, huh? Aren't weddings supposed to be joyful?" Kathleen surmised aloud.

"They are when you're marrying the right person," Nancy muttered.

Addison sighed as Gwen shot her two daughters a look. "Well, we're here now to make sure the next few days go smoothly and are stress-free. We support you and your decision, don't we girls?"

"Yes," they replied reluctantly, dropping their eyes under their mother's glare.

"Well," Addison started attempting to break the awkward silence. You guys must be hungry, have you eaten? You guys are earlier than I expected, I was going to meet you at the airport."

"Aunt Addie it wouldn't be a surprise if you knew we was coming," Taylor, Julie's youngest, pointed out.

"…If she knew we were coming." Julie corrected gently.

Addison smiled at Taylor. "You're right Tay, I suppose it wouldn't. But I am so glad to see you," she finished, picking up the four-year old and spinning her around, causing her niece to squeal in delight. When she stopped spinning she settled the girl down on her hip and turned to the rest of the family with a grin, "Well, I know this great restaurant that we could go to. They have great food, terrific atmosphere, and it's kid-friendly, so…What?"

The four Shepherd sisters were grinning and slightly shaking their heads at her. All four had the all too familiar mischievous glint in their eyes.

"What? What's going on?" Addison asked suspiciously.

Nancy smirked and glanced at her sisters before replying, "We're here to kidnap you."

"_Where are we going?" Addison inquired, trying to glance around the scarf that had been tied over her eyes. _

"_Well, if we tell you then that's not much of a surprise now is it?" Savvy's voice floated to her. _

"_With the term kidnap being thrown around, I have to wonder. Although I suppose I should be happy that you didn't stick me in the trunk," Addie cracked._

"_Hey don't give us any ideas, it IS rather cramped in here," Sam pointed out. The four sisters, Addie, and Sav were packed into Nancy's 1988 Ford Tempo, speeding along to their unknown destination._

"_Oh, we couldn't do that. Derek would have our heads if he ever found out," Kathleen pointed out._

"_Yea, we'd have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of our lives," Julie added._

"_You guys-" Addie began._

"_If she shows up with one hair out of place, we'd all have to go into the witness protection program," Nancy spoke up from the driver's seat._

"_You guys, shut up!" Addison exclaimed, feeling her cheeks grow hot._

"_What? Oh, please Addie, you've got that boy so whipped, animals look at him in pity. I've never seen my brother like this over anyone…EVER. You must have honey between your thighs," Nancy smirked _

"_Oh my gosh," Addie said burying her face in her hands, which was now as red as a tomato._

"_Look at her, she's blushing!" Kathleen exclaimed._

"_Am not." _

"_Oh, you so are. You're as red as a cherry."_

"_Shut up!" She reached out to smack the person she thought was talking._

"_Ow! What was that for? I didn't say anything." Sav replied, rubbing her arm._

"_Sorry," Addison mumbled._

"_I was thinking it, but I didn't say anything," Sav smirked. Addison's hand flew out again, once more missing her target._

"_Hey, you know Adds you have really bad aim, especially with us all being so close together."_

"_Fine, I'll try another approach." Addison just started hitting any one she could reach, starting an all out war in the backseat._

"_Hey," Nancy yelled as she was hit in the back of the head. "You guys stop that or I will turn this car around right now." Everyone was stunned for a minute, before they burst into laughter._

"_Jeez, sorry Mom."_

Addison was jolted back to the present as she found herself being pushed out her front door. "Wow," she said as she took in the gleaming black stretch limousine before her.

Nancy smirked next to her, as she pulled out a black blindfold, "Upgrades."

* * *

A little while later, the ladies pulled up to their destination. "Alrighty we're here!!" Kathleen exclaimed. 

"Great," Addison said sarcastically. "Where exactly is here?" she asked, reaching up to take down her blindfold.

Her hand was slapped back down. "Would you just wait a second? Jeez, you're so inpatient." She felt hands on her back pushing her forward, "Just wait until we get inside."

"Fine, just don't run me into any walls-OW!!" Addie exclaimed as her right shoulder slammed into the door frame.

"Sorry," Nancy giggled behind her. "Okay, there are five steps to go down, grab onto the rail."

Addison made her way down the stairs then felt herself being pulled forward. She heard running water somewhere around her and the sounds of low-key conversations. Her hand was then dropped and she could detect whispering behind her. "Guys?" she questioned.

"Alright, we'll take the blindfold off on the count of three. One, Two, THREE!!"

"SURPRISE!!!" everyone yelled.

Addison grinned from ear to ear when she saw that she was surrounded by her best friends. In addition to the Shepherd sisters were Callie, Miranda, Savvy, and Robin. After hugs and greetings were exchanged, Addison took a moment to take in her surroundings. "Wow," she breathed.

She was standing in one of the most beautiful spas she had ever seen. There was a waterway surrounding the lobby fed by a towering waterfall in the corner. There were lush green plants and trees everywhere you turned with tropical flowers interspersed among them. It made one think they were in a Costa Rican rainforest, rather than a man-made spa. "This is gorgeous," Addison said trying to take it all in, "It's almost too much."

"Someone felt you were worth this," Kathleen said quietly from her shoulder.

"So since we're here, let's go get a massage," Robin said brightly, linking her arm through Addison's before she could really think about that comment. Her eyes narrowed as she watched a very muscular and unbelievably attractive masseuse walk by. "I have a few areas I'd love for him to touch." Addison laughed as she allowed herself to be dragged off.

Callie leaned over to Miranda, "Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, but who is fitting the bill for all this?"

Bailey just stared at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh," Callie's eyes lit up as everything clicked into place. She thought for a minute and then smirked, "In that case, I'm getting the premier package."

"That was my plan," Bailey replied.

It seemed that was everyone's plan. Each lady had a mani, pedi, facial, one-hour massage, wrap, a soak in the Jacuzzi, and time in the steam room. By the time dinner rolled around the group was completely relaxed. They all sat around the table joking, enjoying their sushi dinner and never-ending cups of sake.

"So, Addison," Kathleen began, reaching for a piece of fried calamari, "Tell us about Jake."

The conversation stopped as all eyes turned towards Addison. Addie wiped her mouth and cleared her throat. She glanced down into her lap as she fidgeted with her napkin. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. All we know is the man's name, and what we've learned from Ma," Sam said.

"Well, Jake's a corporate lawyer with a firm here in LA. He's very successful, he graduated at the top of his class from Harvard Law, and he works not only out of LA, but Manhattan, Chicago, and Dallas as well."

The ladies just stared at her expectantly.

"What?" Addie asked. "What else do you want to know?"

"How about something that we couldn't read off his résumé?" Nancy jumped in. "Addie you sound as though you're describing a colleague, not your fiancé."

"Well," she lightly bit her lip and nervously twisted her engagement ring around, "He's 6'4"…muscular…wants kids… he's so sweet, incredibly kind…would never hurt me…and he loves me," she finished quietly, downing the rest of her sake.

The ladies all exchanged glances, each one picking up on what wasn't said. "Addison," Nancy began gently, almost hesitantly, reaching across to lay her hand over Addie's, "Do you love Jake?"

Addison's head jerked up. "Who wouldn't love Jake? He is literally the perfect guy. He's a good provider, incredibly attractive, and he would do anything for me. He never forgets dates, never leaves me sitting alone, and he doesn't make me cry." The words exploded from her mouth, her arms waving to emphasize her point. "We hardly ever argue and when we do we never raise our voices! He doesn't send his best friend to events in his place. He doesn't make me want to scream and pull my hair out by the roots. HE IS PERFECT! A woman would have to be crazy to not be in love with him." Her eyes lost focus and her voice dropped, "She'd have to be insane to want someone else…to crave someone else…" Her eyes slid shut, "To love someone else," she whispered. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, "And I am perfectly logical." She signaled the waiter for a refill on her drink, "Jake and I will be very happy together."

Everyone sat stunned in the wake of her outburst. She had shocked even Bailey into silence. Addison smoothly slid her chair back and placed her napkin on the table. "Excuse me," she stated as she made her way to the ladies' room.

"Does she really not see it?" Callie asked quietly, once she was out of earshot.

"Oh, she knows…" Nancy began.

"…She's just fighting it with everything she's worth." Bailey finished.

Savvy jumped up and followed her friend to the restroom. The seven women watched her go, then sat in silence for a moment.

"Twenty bucks says she bails by the end of the night," Nancy smirked.

"I say she'll wait 'til morning." Callie added.

"Thirty says she doesn't make it though the "I do's," Robin bid.

"Fifty says Derek makes a scene." Kathleen said with a gleam in her eye.

"Do you know something?" Sam asked.

"I know my baby brother," was the reply.

"Seventy-five says she runs," Julie stated.

But Bailey shook her head at them all. "One hundred dollars says that by this time tomorrow she will once again be Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd."

* * *

When Savvy walked in she found her friend leaning over the sink, taking deep calming breaths. "Good air in, bad air out," Sav said quietly. 

Addison jumped at the voice and caught her eye in the mirror, giving her a weak smile. "That's the idea."

"Addie, we…we didn't mean to upset you."

"I know. I'm sorry for yelling at you guys, I'm just…" Addie sighed, "I don't know what I am."

"I know Addie. But I also know that you'll do the right thing. You always do."

Addison looked up at her through her lashes, "Not always."

Savvy sighed, "Addie, Derek's forgiven you. Are you ever going to forgive yourself for that?"

"I have, I'm just…" Addie buried her face in her hands and muffled her scream.

Savvy walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "I know, sweetie." She held Addie while she put herself back together. "Hey, come on, it'll all be okay. In the mean time you have presents to open," Savvy said with a grin.

Addison managed a watery smile. "I could never forget about presents."

* * *

After Addison repaired her face with went out to join the ladies who were laughing hysterically about something. "What's so funny?" Addison inquired, a slight smile on her face. 

"Nothing," they replied in unison.

"Let's get to the gifts," Nancy suggested, quickly changing the subject.

Soon Addie found herself surrounded by the traditional gifts; in addition to lingerie, she had the Kama Sutra, Cosmo's Water Kama Sutra, edible massage oil, and handcuffs (Robin's gift. "For when you need to add a little spice," she said with a wink.) Then she found herself presented with a final box, this one was without a label. "Who is this from," she asked with a smirk, as she opened the box. No one claimed ownership. She gasped as she lifted the tissue paper to reveal an exquisite green silk robe, with Chinese characters stitched onto the back. "Oh, this is gorgeous," she breathed. She looked up, "Seriously, who is this from?" she asked as she held the beautiful fabric to her chest. Once again they were all silent. "I love this," Addison replied softly.

"Hey! Is this a party or not?" Robin said breaking the silence. "There is a batch of margaritas waiting for us and a dance floor with our name on it. Let's go!"

* * *

Around 2 am, Addison stumbled into her hotel suite, laughing as she bid the other ladies goodnight. Addison collapsed on the bed, "I'm really quite drunk." she giggled to the empty room. She pulled herself up and began undressing, dancing around the room to the imaginary music playing in her head. She had just slipped on the silk robe when there was a knock at the door. She walked over and pulled the door open without checking to see who it was. "Derek!" she giggled. "I'm drunk!" 

"I can see that." Derek smiled. Addison was such a cute drunk.

"Come in, come in. Like my robe? It's new." She paused as she closed the door, "I don't know who sent it though.

"I did."

"Oh…thanks!" she said brightly, turning towards him.

"You're welcome," he chuckled. "Did you read the card?"

"What card?"

"The card at the bottom of the box."

"I didn't see it," she said, walking back over to look into the box. She moved the tissue paper and found the card lying at the bottom. She opened the card and at the top found the same design she saw on her robe. She went on to read the explanation. "Love-forever and always," she said aloud. She looked up and caught his eye. In her drunken haze her inhibitions were lowered and she allowed herself to see what everyone else had known for months: Her Derek was finally back and was more in love with her now than he had ever been. She could see it all laid out in his eyes: love, hope, passion, desire, and forgiveness. He could see the same reflected in her bright blue orbs.

She gently reached up and stroked his face softly. For the first time in a long time, all of their barriers were down. They were simply Addison and Derek again, no baggage, no mistresses, no demanding jobs, just two people in love. And it was that thought that allowed Addison to stop denying what her body was craving.

"I should really thank you properly," she purred, her voice dropping low as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Addison…" Derek swallowed hard as she pushed him against the door and pressed her body into his. "What are you doing?"

Addison smirked and raised an eyebrow, "Has it been that long for you Derek? Let me refresh your memory." She leaned forward and began nibbling his earlobe as her hands eased under his shirt, scratching lightly at his chest.

"Addison," he groaned, pushing her away slightly, "We can't do this."

"Why not? I know you want me," she leaned in, "I can feel it," she whispered as her hand found its way inside his jeans, causing him to moan softly.

"Yea, I do…I really do. I want you. I'm in love with you. I want you to be my wife. But I don't want you to regret us being together, and you're drunk. We can't," he sighed, reluctantly pulling away from her magical hands and taking a step back.

She once again closed the space between them, the fact that he was trying to be noble making her want him more. "Sure we can."

"Addie-" he tried again.

"Derek," she gently cradled his face so they were looking eye to eye. "I want this. I need this. My body longs for yours." She paused and bit her lip, "I love you." She leaned in to kiss him, but could still sense his hesitancy. "It's not taking advantage if I ask for it," she whispered in his ear.

Derek tried to be strong for the both of them, but everything he wanted in the world was being offered to him on a platinum platter. There were probably a million reasons why they shouldn't do this, but not one of them would come to mind, especially not with her lips and hands roaming his body. As he felt her hands treading lightly at the waistband of his jeans, he stopped fighting it. After all, he was only human. He took control of the embrace as one by one articles of clothing began to drop to the floor.

* * *

So, there ya go. An update. I did it. Um, is it just me or does Addie seem slightly unstable. I mean seriously she is the definition of emotionally labile. Well, we're in the home stretch people. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Wait, is that a good thing to see when you're sick? Huh, well, while I ponder that: Review please. (I'm not above tugging heart strings, I wrote this through sickness…gimme!! ;-D) 


	15. Runaway Bride

Allllllll-righty then. I just realized that I haven't updated this fic since January. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Bad Drea. LOL! This chapter has been sitting on my computer for months. I just haven't had time to proof and post it. And now I have a brief reprieve, so I think it's time. It's kind of fitting actually, I started this fic on the last day of my second year and I'm finishing it on the last day of my third. So, in case you didn't catch that, this is the last chapter. I've known how this would end since I started; it began with a TV show, so it had to end with one. Coincidentally enough I just saw the episode that inspired me. Well, without any further ado I give you the final chapter of The Wedding. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Per usual I own NOTHING. Unfortunately the characters do not belong to me. Except for Jake and Gwen; they are mine.

"_Addison!! Addison, wait!"_

_Addison turned and saw Derek running toward her. She looked back at her father, "Would you give us a minute, please?"_

"_Of course," Thomas kissed her forehead and walked down the hall._

_Addison turned back around as Derek skidded to a stop before her, taking in great gulps of air. "You…y-you can't…"_

"_I can't what?"_

"_You can't marry him."_

"_Excuse me?" Addison's eyes flared. "Excuse me?! You show up on my wedding day, while I'm in the freaking dress, when I'm ten seconds from walking down the frickin' aisle to tell me that I can't marry my fiancé? Seriously?!"_

_Having finally caught his breath, he straightens up and looks her in the eye, "Uh, yeah, that was, umm, pretty much the idea."_

"_I see and did you have a reason or did you just wake up this morning and say 'Hey, what can I do to give Addison that final push over the edge?'"_

"_I told you, Addie, I love you. I'm in love with you. I need you. And I know you are in love with me too, which is why you can't marry Jake."_

_She sank down onto the couch. "Derek, don't do this to me."_

"_I'm sensing some doubts."_

"_Of course I have doubts! This marriage thing hasn't exactly worked well for me in the past."_

"_Okay, yes, we had our share of ups and downs, granted more downs than ups in the last few years, but when we're good…" He knelt down in front of her and brushed a stray stand of hair from her face before continuing. "Addie, when we're good there's nothing better. What you have with Jake is nothing compared to what we have."_

_She placed her head in her hands. "I have two hundred of my closest friends, family, and colleagues out there waiting for me." She looked up at him through her fingers. "What am I supposed to do?"_

"_Well, my car is out front gassed up and ready to go." He grinned at her. "I told the valet to keep it available since I'd probably be making a quick get-a-away." Addison laughed. "So what do you say Addison?" He extended his hand. "Are you willing to take another chance?"_

_She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her for a scorching kiss. As she pulled away she smiled wickedly at him, "I hope you left the engine running, Shepherd." _

The warm sunlight on her face is what awoke her that morning. She opened her eyes and squinted in the bright light, blinking away the last remnants of the dream. As she shifted slightly she instantly became aware of four things. The first thing was the pounding of her skull. Second was a slightly nauseous feeling. The third was the well-used but sated feeling that rippled out from between her thighs, and fourth was the muscular arm that lay draped across her waist. She gingerly rolled over so that she was facing her bedmate. She could count on her fingers the number of times in their near two decades of sleeping together she had woken up before he did. He was such a light sleeper that his eyes would pop open at the slightest tremor. As she watched him sleep her eyes drifted over his features taking in his dark curls falling over his forehead, his slightly parted lips, and his ski jump nose. She smirked as she reached out a finger and traced its length, grinning when he batted her hand away. Her gaze fell to his lips as she traced them, gasping when he suddenly sucked her finger into his mouth and lightly bit the pad. She looked up and smiled softly as they locked eyes. "Morning."

"Mm, good morning," he replied, tracing her cheek. "How did you sleep?"

"Well, the small amount I got," and here he chuckled, "was very refreshing," she smirked. "You?"

"Best sleep I've had in years," he said shifting closer. He allowed his hand to trail down her side to her bare hip, gently stroking her soft skin. "Addie," he paused waiting until she looked up at him. "What does this mean?"

She searched his eyes before opening her mouth to speak. But before any sound could emerge, there was a loud bang at the hotel room door, followed by a lot of yelling. "ADDISON!!"

Addison shot up in bed, cursing all alcohol as she cradled her throbbing head. She slowly turned to see the clock on the bedside table. "Shit!" she yelled tumbling out of bed and grabbing her robe. She raced around the room gathering his scattered clothing and throwing it at him. "You gotta go."

"Where am I going Addison?" he asked, standing to pull on his boxer briefs.

"I don't know. You just have to get out of here," she said frantically running her hands through her mane to tame her sex hair, while simultaneously trying to keep the bile down her throat. There came another bout of pounding at the door. "Hurry up!" she hissed as he pulled on his shirt.

"ADDISON!! What's taking so long?!"

"Okay, now what?" Derek asked, now fully dressed.

"Um…get in the bathroom," she demanded, pushing him that way. "Just get out at the first opportunity, alright."

"Addie, we need to talk."

"Yea, later, just get in the bathroom." As she shut the bathroom door, Addison pulled her robe tighter and let the ladies into the room.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" Nancy demanded as she barged in past Addison.

"Sorry, I had to wait for the room to stop spinning."

"Oh, sweetie did you not sleep well last night." Savvy asked from behind her.

"No, I slept fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because your hair is a mess and the bed sheets are all twisted like it was tossed and turned in all night."

Addison willed her face to stay cool as she turned toward the balcony. "Um, no I slept great. Hey, why don't we eat breakfast on the balcony." she said as she ushered the ladies that way, ignoring the questioning looks from Robin and Nancy.

"Uh, yeah, that would be great, but do you think we can wait for the food to arrive first?" Kathleen asked cheekily.

"Oh…right." Addison mumbled.

"Oooh, someone's got a case of wedding day jitters," Julie teased.

"Don't know why. It's not like it's her first time at the rodeo." Nancy said, walking over to the bar.

"Okay, well, we all know how well that turned out."

"Hello! I'm sitting right here," she said with a huff.

"Ya, we know," Nancy replied, making her way toward the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Addison asked nervously.

"To the bathroom," Nancy said with a quizzical look.

"For what?"

"What, do you want like a number?"

Addison closed her eyes, "No, it's just that I have all my stuff scattered in there and…"

"Relax, Addie. Your wedding isn't until sunset; I'm not going to take that long." She disappeared into the bathroom.

Callie nodded. "Yea, Addison you have got to calm dow-"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!"

Addison closed her eyes as the other women rushed to the bathroom door. "Nancy? Nancy, what's wrong?" Kathleen demanded.

"Um, n-nothing. It's…it's just you should see the size of this tub. You could fit six people in here."

The ladies rolled their eyes and returned to their respective seats. "Jeez, Nance, give us a heart attack, why don't ya." Sam breathed out.

Nancy emerged from the bathroom just as there was a knock on the door announcing the arrival of breakfast. "Great, I'm starved."

Julie got up, "Let's see what's so amazing about this bathroom. Nancy laid her hand on the handle, "You might want to wait a few minutes."

"Oh, eww, Nance. Gross." Julie turned away in disgust.

Addison looked up to see Nancy staring at her. "I know you said your "stuff" was in there but that wasn't exactly what I was expecting," she whispered. "You owe me." Addison nodded mutely. Nancy threw her arm around the red-head's shoulders, "Come on, let's join the ladies out on the balcony and give your "stuff" a chance to escape."

* * *

"Addison, stop frowning, you're going to get wrinkles. What is your problem?" Madeline demanded.

"Nothing, Mother." Addison shook herself out of her reverie and smiled slightly, before returning her attention to the manicurist.

"She's probably thinking about tonight," Callie said with a wink.

"If she was I would hope that she wouldn't be frowning," Kathleen quipped.

Addison looked around at her extended family, each in various stages of preparation. Callie, Robin, and Miranda were having the finishing touches put on their hair; Nancy, Kathleen, and Julie were getting pedicures; Savvy was getting a manicure; and Gwen, Madeline, and Samantha were having their makeup done.

"Having met Jake, I'm sure they have no problem in that area," Julie remarked. Addison begged to differ, but she kept that information to herself. Jake was good in bed, but comparatively…

"Regardless, she should be focusing on getting ready for the children." Madeline intoned. The room went so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop.

"Children?" Sam asked.

"Girl, are you knocked up?!" Robin shrieked.

"NO! No, no, no I am not pregnant." Addison insisted.

"Not yet, anyway." Madeline added.

"Mother!"

"What? You are obviously not getting any younger and neither am I for that matter. So I'm glad to see that you have finally settled in a nice stable relationship with a man you care for." Addison bristled at the term "settled." _Addison Forbes Montgomery doesn't settle for anything…right? _

"You have finally found your proper mate, a man that matches you in both class and sophistication, one who will raise my grandchildren properly." She took a sip of her martini and glanced over at Gwen. "Oh, no offense intended of course."

"Of course not." Gwen graciously replied, through clenched teeth.

Addison stood as the manicurist finished with her nails. "I think I'm going to go for a walk along the beach," she announced to the room.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Savvy asked.

"No, I'll be fine. I just need a few minutes."

"Just don't ruin your nails," Madeline called after her.

* * *

Addison stood on the beach and watched the waves crash upon the shore. The wind tossed her hair and caused her sundress to billow out behind her. She thought over the ramblings of her mother, particularly the bit about her settling. That point really seemed to strike a chord with her. _Am I settling?_

"I figured I'd find you here."

She didn't turn at the voice. There was no need; she knew it as well as her own. Plus she had been having that oh-so-familiar tingle down her spine for the last five minutes. "Congratulations."

He stepped up beside her. "It's really beautiful out here."

"I know. That's why I picked it."

"You always had excellent taste." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "That's why I always wondered why you picked me."

"You were hot, smart, and made me laugh. Plus I was in love with you."

He turned to face her. "And now?"

She kept her eyes front but bit her lip, her one sure tell. "I don't know."

He stepped closer. "I think you do. You did last night."

"I was drunk last night."

He paused. "Are you saying it was a mistake? Do you regret being with me?"

She could hear the uncertainty in his voice and for the first time turned to face him. "No, Derek, I don't regret making love to you. I just," she turned her gaze back to the water and so missed the smirk that spread across his face. "I don't know what I'm doing here Derek. I don't…I don't want to hurt Jake, but I don't want to hurt you either. I just want to be happy, but I don't want to settle. I love Jake; he's kind, successful, great with kids, and absolutely adores me. I'm comfortable with him and he's incredibly sweet…He's actually the perfect guy."

"I'm hoping that there is a "but" in here somewhere."

"But it's not enough. It lacks the passion that I'm used to, that I need for a successful relationship." She hesitated. _What have I got to lose?_ She turned to look him in the eye. "I miss you. I miss talking to you, fighting with you, making love to you. I miss—What? What is with the smirk?"

He grinned. "That's the second time in less than five minutes that you've said 'making love.'"

Addison rolled her eyes. "Okay, can we focus please?" He nodded. "So, the bottom line is: Yes, I am in love with you."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. "Addie, I love you so much." He leaned in and captured her lips in a sweet kiss. As he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers. "I promise to do everything in my power make you happy--"

"Derek-"

"And I'll move to LA since there's nothing left for me in Seattle--"

"Derek!"

"You don't want to stay in LA? I just assumed, but we can go wherever you want--"

"DEREK!!" He finally stopped and focused back on her. "The fact that we love each other doesn't necessarily mean that we can sustain a relationship. I mean, we loved each other before and look where that got us. We destroyed each other. We both committed unforgivable acts. I trusted you with my heart and you broke it into a million pieces. No one can hurt me like you can. I can't go through that again."

"Addison, just give me a chance. I know that we both made terrible mistakes, but we've learned from them; we're not going to repeat the past. I'll never hurt you like that again and I know that you can say the same. We are meant to be together Addie. You can't just walk away from this."

She backed away from him. "I can't deal with this."

Derek reached for her, "Addison-"

"No, I can't. I'm sorry, I just…I can't."

* * *

Addison returned to the bridal suite and the next thing she knew, she was standing before the full length mirror in her cream colored gown, her hair in curls atop her head as Gwen arranged her veil. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Addie."

Addison blushed as red as her hair, "Thank you."

"It's really not fair how beautiful she looks," Julie noted.

"I know. If we weren't friends, I'd hate her," Robin replied.

"Shut up!" Addison exclaimed. There was a soft knock at the door as it eased open.

"Might I have a brief moment alone with the bride?" a deep male voice softly inquired. The ladies looked up to lock eyes with the distinguished Thomas Montgomery. It was obvious this was not really a question.

"Of course. We'll just be in the other room, okay Addie?" Addison nodded and watched the door close behind her friends before turning her eyes to her father. They stood in silence for a few moments. Addison began to fidget under her father's intense green-eyed stare. "You…um…you wanted to talk to me?" she asked hesitantly.

The elder Montgomery nodded. "You look absolutely beautiful," he began softly. Addison blushed. "Just like your mother the day I married her." He sighed and walked toward her. "I think you're more like your mother than either of you realize." Addison looked at him questioningly as they settled on the overstuffed sofa. "What do you mean, Daddy?" Thomas turned his gaze to look out the picture window to the crystal blue ocean beyond. "I love your mother more than life itself, always have and always will. I fell in love with her the day we met. I know that she loves me as well, but…" He returned his gaze to his daughter. "She has never been in love with me."

"Daddy-"

"We were happy for a time, but I wasn't what she needed. What she wanted. I was what she settled for. I didn't realize it at the time, of course. I was so in love, I just knew I wanted that woman. And I got her. But I couldn't make her happy, really and truly happy. It took me years to figure that out. Your mother chose the safe route. She knew I was more invested in the relationship than she, so she had the upper hand. She knew that I could never hurt her, if I didn't completely have her in the first place. So, I did what I could. I became the best damn attorney in the city so she could brag to her society friends. I brought home a seven figure paycheck so she could buy the latest fashions from Milan. I turned a blind eye to her numerous liaisons, though I never had one of my own. This is the life that we chose for ourselves, but," he lifted her chin so they were eye to eye, "this is not the life I wanted for my princess."

Addison began shaking her head, despite the tears growing in her eyes, "Daddy, it's not the same thing. I-I love Jake."

Thomas nodded. "I know that you love him. But are you in love with him?" She broke eye contact. "You're still in love with Derek." Her eyes shot back up to his. "Addison everyone can see it. Even Jake would see it if he wasn't so busy looking through glasses so rose-colored I'm surprised he hasn't been pricked by the thorns." He sighed, "I'm not saying that I approve of the choice. I hate the son of a bitch for hurting you, and would like nothing more than to peel the flesh slowly from his bones, then rip him limb from limb, but," he paused to brush a tear from her face. "We can't help who we love."

"We had our chance before, two actually and we both screwed it up."

"Addison, real love isn't easy. It hurts and takes work and effort and at times makes you want to strangle your partner and pull your hair out by the roots, but in the end it's worth it."

"Some things aren't meant to be," she says wistfully, wiping away her tears.

"If it wasn't meant to be, you wouldn't be in so much pain."

"I don't want to get hurt again."

"Sweetheart, it'll hurt so much worse in the long run if you marry a man you don't love. And you'll not only hurt yourself, but you'll hurt him and any children you have as well." He stroked her hair sadly. "I may not have been the best father, but trust me on this, Princess. You don't want that life."

A light knock on the door interrupted them. "I'm sorry to intrude, but it's time." Gwen said with a smile, which dropped slightly when she noticed Addison's face. Thomas stood. "I'll see you out there. Remember what I said, Princess."

Gwen waited until Thomas was gone before she approached Addison and asked, "Is everything okay, honey?"

"I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Addie, you have to do what's best for you. Just follow your heart and you won't go wrong. And remember no matter who you marry, I will always consider you to be one of my daughters."

* * *

Addison watched as her bridesmaids and groomsmen made their way down the aisle, followed by the ring bearer and flower girl. The sunset reflected on the water provided the perfect backdrop and she was glad she had opted for an outside ceremony. She heard the first few chords of the wedding march and felt her chest tighten.

"Princess?" She turned to look at her father. "Are you ready?" Addison forced a smile and nodded her assent. She kept her eyes straight-forward the entire way down the aisle, not daring to look into the congregation. Sooner than she anticipated, she was standing at the altar, her hand clasped in Jake's.

"Do you, Jake, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do you part?

Jake gazed lovingly into Addison's eyes. "I do," he said with a soft smile.

"And Addison, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do you part?

Silence. Addison held Jake's gaze and stared deep into his green orbs. Her chest was tight, her heart was racing, and her mind was going a mile a minute. _Just say yes. All you have to say is I do. Just nod and say I do. Very simple phrase, people say it everyday._

"Addison?" The priest asked gently. She turned her wide-eyed gaze toward him, but still she couldn't get any words out.

"Addie?" Jake questioned softly, reaching out to stroke her cheek. She turned and once again met his eyes. Now in addition to love, she also saw fear and uncertainty in his depths. He smiled and nodded at her. "It's alright. Take your time."

"I-"

_He's so handsome. So perfect. You could be happy with him. Just say yes. I do. Say it. Say IT. SAY IT!!_

"Go on, Father. Continue with the ceremony," Madeline instructed from her seat.

"I can't until she answers," he replied.

"Well, she means yes," she snapped.

"Well, she's got to say yes," was the quick reply.

"Addison, speak up," Madeline hissed.

"I-"

Jake grinned at her and nodded eagerly for her to continue.

"I….I" Addison could hear her pulse pounding in her ears, her breath coming in short gasps. The congregation started to murmur amongst themselves. She glanced over to her mother who was mouthing "I do" over and over, her father sitting stoically by her side. Her eyes then caught Nancy's sympathetic gaze and Bailey's all-knowing one. Her eyes frantically searched until she found what she was looking for. As soon as their gaze locked she knew deep in her bones that she couldn't go through with it. She gave him a slight nod and then turned back to Jake and stroked his cheek while a smile teased her lips. Tears began to spill from her eyes as she finally spoke. "I'm so sorry Jake."

His eyes clouded over with confusion and pain, "Wha- What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, I can't."

"What? But Addison," he cried, reaching for her.

She backed out of his grasp. "I'm sorry. I just…I can't. I can't do this."

"Addie, please," he pleaded, moisture gathering in his eyes as well.

She continued backing up, tears flowing faster now. "I am so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. But I…we…I can't.

"What about me?" cried a voice from behind her. Addison spun around and locked on his crystal blue eyes as he came up the aisle toward her. The congregation began to murmur loudly amongst themselves. "I love you, and I know you love me. I need you, Addie, like I need air to breathe. Yes, we can live without each other, but I think we'll both agree that that existence sucks. Your smirk makes my day and an arch of your eyebrow makes me weak. No other woman in the world makes me feel the way you do or drives me as crazy as you can. And yes we'll fight and yell and scream at each other, because that's just who we are, but I can't wait to make up with you. I love you, Adds. You are still the only woman for me. You're my first thought when I wake up, and my last thought before I sleep." He grinned. "I still want to be the one you're cursing as you give birth to our children." She laughed as she remembered his proposal from so many years before. So, Addison Forbes Montgomery do you take this idiot to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?"

She gave him a watery smile. "I do," she stated clearly over the commotion.

"There!" Madeline exclaimed. "She said it. She said I do! You all heard it."

"Yes, but who was she talking to?" the priest inquired.

"Addison?" Jake asked hesitantly.

She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry Jake, but I can't marry you. I'm in love with Derek." Addison removed his ring from her finger and held it out to him.

"I know," he sighed, "I just hoped that maybe you loved me more." He looked between the two of them then leaned in to kiss her cheek and she pressed the ring into his hand. "I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, but if you ever need me I'll be there in an instant."

She nodded and whispered her thanks. She watched him walk away then turned her attention back to Derek. She held out her hand to him and smiled, "Let's get married."

He grinned and joined her at the altar.

"Alright, well, let's try this again," the priest began. "And we'll start with you this time. Addison, do you take…What's your name, son?"

"Derek Shepherd."

"Alright. Addison, do you take Derek to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do you part?

"I do," she answered without hesitation.

"And Derek do you take Addison to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others until death do you part?

"I do," he replied with a smile.

"I don't suppose you have rings do you?"

Addison shook her head, while Derek nodded. "Actually, I do." Addison watched as he pulled a characteristic blue box from his pocket, and gasped when he opened it to reveal a flawless 8-carat emerald-cut diamond in a platinum setting with diamonds embedded in the band and a matching wedding band, in addition to a platinum band for him.

"Derek-"

"Shh. You deserve the best," he said with a wink as they exchanged rings.

"Can anyone here show just cause why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony? Let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Madeline immediately jumped to her feet, but before she could open her mouth, Thomas spoke: "Sit down, Madeline." She turned to look at him. "Now," he said with quiet force. She reluctantly returned to her seat.

"Then by the power invested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now—okay, yeah go ahead." The congregation laughed as Derek didn't even wait for the priest to finish before gathering Addison in his arms and bending her back.

Addison laughed as he brought her back upright. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you, too."

* * *

The reception was in full swing, the liquor was flowing, food was abundant, and everyone was having a good time. And of course everyone was telling the videographer how they knew it was only a matter of time before Addison and Derek were DerekandAddison again.

Miranda Bailey was busy collecting her money from the other women, stating she might was well do a little shopping since she was in LA. Addison and Derek were making the rounds talking with the guests and accepting congratulations. They paused when they reached Addison's parents. Madeline appeared to be deep into a bottle of vodka, and looked up at them through blurry eyes. "Had I know you were going to repeat your past mistakes, I would not have attended this fiasco."

"Addison has to make the decisions that are right for her," Thomas replied, standing to embrace his daughter. "I just want you to be happy, Princess."

Addison grinned at Derek then looked back at her father, "I am happy, Daddy."

Thomas turned and extended his hand to Derek. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, sir."

Thomas nodded then tightened his grip on Derek's hand and yanked him closer to whisper in his ear. "You hurt her again and I can guarantee they'll never find any part of your body."

Derek nodded. "Understood, sir, but that won't be a problem." He wrapped his arm around Addison's waist. "I don't make the same mistake twice."

* * *

Addison and Derek sat at the head table, drinking their champagne and looking out over their guests. Addison felt Derek looking at her and she blushed. "What?"

"I just can't believe that you agreed to be my wife again. Thank you, Addison. Thank you for trusting me with your heart again."

Addison smiled, "I love you, Derek. I wouldn't be happy any other way."

He grinned softly. "Do you remember our wedding song?"

"Of course, 'Always and Forever' by Luther Vandross."

"I think our second choice is more appropriate this time, don't you think?"

Addison smiled as the first few bars of "Now and Forever" by Richard Marx began to play. "I think I'd have to agree with you."

Derek stood and bowed to her. "May I have this dance Dr. Shepherd?"

"That's Mrs. Shepherd to you," Addison smirked. "And I'd be delighted."

_Whenever I'm weary  
From the battles that raged in my head  
You made sense of madness  
When my sanity hangs by a thread  
I lose my way, but still you  
Seem to understand  
Now & forever,  
I will be your man_

Sometimes I just hold you  
Too caught up in me to see  
I'm holding a fortune  
That heaven has given to me  
Ill try to show you  
Each and every way I can  
Now & forever,  
I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries  
And always be sure  
That I wont be alone, anymore  
If Id only known you were there  
All the time,  
All this time. . .

Until the day the ocean  
Doesn't touch the sand  
Now & forever  
I will be your man

Derek leaned down and captured her lips in a breathtakingly sweet kiss. "I love you Addison, now and forever."

"I love you Derek, forever and always."

FIN

The end!! It's over! I'm hitting the complete button. It took me over a year to finish this how pathetic is that. But it got done, which is what matters right? This is the longest non-school related piece that I have ever written. I hope you guys enjoyed; please review, I want to know what you thought. I think I'll be doing one shots now (well, as long as I have an audience) so once again review please. Thanks for reading!!


End file.
